Hey NYF, good to hear from you again!
For the past few months I've been getting nasty and unwarranted emails. This emails tell me how bad of a father I am and how I am "violating" the custody order. I am truly caught off guard and am wondering what's going on in her household that makes her feel its alright to write these emails.
Are you still spending the same amount of time with your son as normal? I.e., is she trying to withhold him at all, or doing anything sneaky with the schedule?
Something I think about when I hear these types of stories is "misattribution of causality".
That is, my suspicion is that people with BPD-type traits aren't so dull or blind that they don't see when conflict is happening. I.e., there is a conflict, and a pwBPD can say, Yes, there is a conflict.
The issue is that they cannot rightly or accurately attribute the cause of the conflict. I feel like I've heard stories on the boards here of arguments between a couple (one with BPD), and the pwBPD is yelling, but yells at the other partner "Stop yelling at me!"
The identification "yelling is happening" is correct, but a "disability" as it were with the pwBPD is that they can't clearly identify the source. They can't "pin the tail on the donkey" at all.
So, when I hear that your son's mom is asserting "you're a bad father" and "you're violating the custody order", where my mind goes first is: maybe she's correctly identifying that SOMEONE is being a poor parent, and SOMEONE might be violating the order. It's just... not you.
This is related to the concept of projection that we talk about here, too.
Long story short, if she's not messing with your parenting time... document, save, let it roll off of you, keep learning, move on.
Thoughts? Want more discussion?
Also, how's your son doing? Did he dress up for Halloween?
