BPD Suicide

[Coloradanman]

I am new to blogging. Not even sure how to start. My wife of 32 years committed suicide last December 27th 2019. My daughter has been diagnosed with BPD recently. She sent me a book "Walking on eggshells" and I'm reading it now. It is the story of my life. I think she wanted me to understand how "she" see's the world, and why she is, who she is. But I only fall deeper in regret. I failed to seek answers to my wife's demise. I loved her so much that I looked the other way many times. She killed herself when I left the house during one of her rages. I realize now that my daughters feeling of abandonment was caused by my working so many hours. I chose to do this in order to not be around the rages. I feel like a coward for not dealing with my wife's issues and leaving my daughter in harms way. I had no idea that my wife's illness was being thrown at our daughter while I was working. There were no signs of physical abuse. But now I know the mental abuse was happening right under my nose. My daughter is a conventional BPD sufferer and in treatment. My wife was a non conventional. It was always my fault. It has been a hard year for both of us. Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[I Am Redeemed]

Hi. Welcome to our family. I am so sorry for what brings you here.

You and your daughter have both been through such a lot. Suicide of a loved one is a terribly traumatic experience and I am sure it has taken a toll on both of you

BPD is a very serious mental illness that is not easy to understand. Personality disorders in general can be difficult to comprehend. It is usually obvious something is "off" but most people do not know what personality disorders are, how to spot them, or how to deal with them. Even therapists trained to deal with personality disorders such as BPD often see their own therapists because it is difficult to deal with these kinds of clients.

I know that you must feel a lot of guilt and ask questions like "what if...?" to yourself. Please know that you could not have inherently known what to do or that your wife would have taken her own life in such a way. It was her choice. Even if you had known about BPD it may not have changed the outcome.

I am glad your daughter is in treatment. With sincere effort and participation in therapy, BPD is a treatable disorder. That is encouraging.

Do you see a therapist yourself? It may be helpful for you to process your wife's passing and also to help support you in supporting your daughter.

How can we help you? We are here, and listening, and once again, welcome.

[Coloradanman]

Thank you. I had been seeing a grief counselor for awhile but not lately. Just trying to figure out what I was dealing with. Wasn't aware of BPD before. Wishing I had looked into it sooner. Hoping to hear from other suicide survivors who feel the same pain, and how they have overcome the guilt. But also dealing with a daughter who is testing me, and I'm searching for guidance on how to understand what she is going through. My wife never shared her feelings. She confessed to our daughter her pain and sorrow for hurting us on Christmas eve. She never said she was at fault or sorry for her actions to me in 32 years. Three days later she killed herself. We had many wonderful years, but I really never knew her actually. Just trying to understand what happened. I will try to empathise with my daughter. Try to be a good listener. Try to understand. I know she is suicidal. She is leaving for another country (China) to start a new life and I feel helpless to stop her. Her therapist is encouraging her to start this new life. I know I must let her make her own choices. But still worry. thanks for listening. God bless