Mom of 20 yo son with BPD

[SassyPanda]

Hello community! This is my first post. Just trying to connect with others for support. My son was diagnosed this past summer and has begun his therapy journey to deal with his BPD. Right now this includes DBT and meds. I’ve had to take him to the hospital twice for suicidal thoughts and he got arrested for DUI just after Xmas. I’m in therapy myself and recovering from an emotionally abusive marriage. I often struggle with knowing how much to intervene with my son. He has trouble keeping jobs and owning his decisions. I just want him to be independent. But I also want him to learn and grow and feel safe and supported.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Welcome to the Family. There is a lot of good news in your post - you have a diagnosis, and therapy and meds happening.

The issue you raise is one that has perplexed me all through the years that I have been dealing with BPD. I often look back and think I should have done more there - should have stepped back there.

I think the most common advice is to allow learning through the natural consequences of ones choices/actions. This is the usual way of one particular learning theory.

When BPD d was a 15 year old I managed to get her to a paediatric psychiatrist and I remember him saying to me that the usual learning theories don't work.

I tried lots of ways that others - mainly professional people - suggested, but I think now that it is a very individual thing. It depends on so many factors such as any other co-existing mental health issues; any substance abuse issues; rational thinking ability (some people are more emotional than others naturally) etc

So . . . . .how much to intervene?

In some ways you are at a point of new beginning and perhaps playing it by ear until to see the effect of the meds and therapy. You must being doing lots of things right to have your 20 year old son at this point.

Hope you can journey here with us . . . .