New member with 17 year old BPD daughter in treatment

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi all,
This is my first post. I have yet to read through the boards but it's taken me about a year to actually login so I'm just going to post before I do anything else. My daughter has been in treatment for over 2 years, first to wilderness (Second Nature) and then to 3 RTCs (Vista Sage, Big Sky Academy, and now Sunrise). I just read Walking on Eggshells and found it very helpful. The book also describes my mom pretty much exactly. I am no contact with her starting about one year before my daughter went into treatment. It took me a long time to realize her covert emotional and psychological abuse, she was the "good" parent and I was a parentified daughter. My husband and I were supposed to visit my daughter last week but she cancelled the visit when she learned she would not be able to have access to her computer or contact friends. Her therapist thinks she has attachment trauma and so I'm reading up on this as well. I took the quiz and I'm anxious avoidant and I think she is too. I like the info because being securely attached is a goal I can aspire to, and I relate to it more than the 12 step goals I learned about forgiveness or what I interpreted as taking the high road, being the better person etc, which given my relationship with my mom, seemed to just open me up for abuse, not necessarily from my daughter, but from people. My husband and I are learning DBT through my daughter's RTC and I'm individual therapy with an IFS therapist, I've also done somatic experiencing which has bene really helpful with my disassociation. Happy to be here!

[coffeecakepear]

Hi all,
This is my first post. I have yet to read through the boards but it's taken me about a year to actually login so I'm just going to post before I do anything else. My daughter has been in treatment for over 2 years, first to wilderness (Second Nature) and then to 3 RTCs (Vista Sage, Big Sky Academy, and now Sunrise). I just read Walking on Eggshells and found it very helpful. The book also describes my mom pretty much exactly. I am no contact with her starting about one year before my daughter went into treatment. It took me a long time to realize her covert emotional and psychological abuse, she was the "good" parent and I was a parentified daughter. My husband and I were supposed to visit my daughter last week but she cancelled the visit when she learned she would not be able to have access to her computer or contact friends. Her therapist thinks she has attachment trauma and so I'm reading up on this as well. I took the quiz and I'm anxious avoidant and I think she is too. I like the info because being securely attached is a goal I can aspire to, and I relate to it more than the 12 step goals I learned about forgiveness or what I interpreted as taking the high road, being the better person etc, which given my relationship with my mom, seemed to just open me up for abuse, not necessarily from my daughter, but from people. My husband and I are learning DBT through my daughter's RTC and I'm individual therapy with an IFS therapist, I've also done somatic experiencing which has bene really helpful with my disassociation. Happy to be here!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[formflier]

I'm so pleased to see you taking big steps to post and engage on this difficult subject. 

Also pleased to see that you have therapy and a lot of book reading/information gathering going on..which certainly should lead you and your family to a healthier life.

What are you expecting to happen as this current course of treatment moves forward with your daughter?

Looking forward to learning more about your story.

Best,

FF