Hi,
I need some advice mostly so I can process and work through my feelings and to make sense of my situation as best I can. Possibly it won't ever make sense but support would be nice !
This is my first time using this forum.
Recently my BPD partner and I separated. He had been doing really well in the lead up and focusing on himself, going to the gym alot and practising mindfulness. He rarely could keep employment so I was the primary income and often I would also do the cleaning, cooking etc. I sometimes felt like I was his caregiver and he spent his time doing what he enjoyed/liked. I began to drink alot (I take full accountability for this and will not shift blame) mostly on the weekend or after work alone on my deck once our child was in bed. This became a big trigger for him (there was ALOT of triggers including if I didn't have his clothes washed before our child's etc) which I do understand as substance use is problematic even in healthier relationships. He however was able to drink or do pretty much anything he wanted when he wanted as if I ever questioned him the rage I would face would go on for hours.
Recently an incident occurred where I stayed at a friend's house with our child for a play date and had a few beers and a BBQ. The next night he launched into an attack like no other, mocking me, ridiculing me, calling me every name under the sun, slamming doors, spitting etc.
I had work the next day and got our child looked after and left for work.
When I returned he was gone with some of his stuff. Cue the messages of how he can never be in a relationship with me and a list of 100 things I have done wrong etc
Now today my child and I were really unwell due to a viral infection. He called and asked if we needed anything and dropped off some lemonade and medication. He then handed me his keys and told me he would organise to store his stuff until he finds his own place. He seemed really happy to be honest and it flawed me. For someone who just left his family (and I honestly did ALOT for him, pretty much everything I did was based on his moods and what would make him comfortable) to be so up beat and happy, really hurt me. He also said he would come and do the lawns for me (I was organising a lawnmower man and he knows this) and that he would still pay for the internet. I paid for the whole rent bills and food he just had the internet to pay for as he was a gamer.
I have two questions..
How has my ex partner been able to detach so quickly and suddenly?
Why is he still offering to do the lawns, pay for the internet etc
I feel like I would prefer for him not to assist with anything as in the past he has weaponised any help given against me
Thank you I really would appreciate some advice because I am so hurt and lost currently
