My nightmare divorce in progress..

[AYG]

Please help- my wife has 8 of the BPD traits which came into clear after 6 months after starting dating.Now married for 5 years. Her mother and myself got her admitted for a 72 hr hold at a psych hospital in Oct 2019 after her severe psychotic episode that lasted 7 days and culminated in her cutting her arm and leg all night in my bathroom leaving blood splatter everywhere. She has a hx. of cutting since teen yrs. She is 16 yrs younger than me and I ended a great,stable 20 yr marriage due to my terrible decision to begin a relationship with her- classic older MD and younger RN scenario.
She was abused sexually as a teen and her parents sent her to a troubled teen school for 1.5 years- diagnosed as bi polar/ severe depression/ ADHD but never borderline. I have experienced everything imagineable since marriage- constant threats of divorce, severe raging episodes, verbal/emotional/ physical abuse, projection that it’s all my fault, home damages, damaged family and friend relationships, and now a 11 month old beautiful son which she is using as a weapon against me in an impending divorce.
She took my baby boy without me knowing in Jan. this year to live with her alcoholic father and immediately took out a protective order against me claiming physical,emotional abuse and claiming I am an alcoholic and drug addict ( false claims). Then, she caused me to resign from my 22 year surgery position by calling my national health employer saying I was coming into work on alcohol and cocaine and had abused my prescription privileges several years ago (helped her own dad out who had no insurance). I passed the drug,alcohol test that very day but she made sure I would have to be suspended during the overall investigation and likely make it impossible to work there as she also made false accusations against my fellow surgeons. They helped me survive my nightmare issue in the oct 2019 with her but finally made it clear “it would “be highly wise to voluntarily resign” because your wife is so unstable and the practice fears what else she may do to bring unwanted, fraudulent claims against anyone I worked with. These were my close friends as well. She then the following weekend called the police and told them I was on a week long cocaine and alcohol binge and had a loaded pistol to my head at midnight. They immediately knew it was unfounded and left after I demanded a police report to be filed and documented.
I then found out she had been on a year spending spree of over $150,000. I likely will have to file for bankruptcy soon as she went thru an entire retirement account I had in 5 years as well, I was so blindly ignorant. I tried hundreds of times to get her help but she never ever feels she has any issues- it’s always been all my fault for everything bad in our life.
I moved out of my home so my family could move back in but now I can’t even see my son till the first court date.
I moved out of the state to be with my elderly parents, mother is wheelchair bound after severe stroke. She even sent them texts stating they will never see their only grandson due to my mistakes that caused our demise. Needless to say, I am despondent and battling myself every day on “ how can someone be so evil and want to completely destroy my entire life.”
Please any advice/opinions will be greatly appreciated. I simply can not get over this tragedy that I know no one that I know has gone through.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[khibomsis]

  AYG and welcome to the family! I am so sorry to hear what you are going through, it must have been a terrible ordeal. Be welcome here, many of us have gone through what you are going through, losing years, money, health, finding ourselves alone in foreign lands and forced to escape the most abusive situations. Somehow we find our way back to health. You will too.

This is the board for those who have children who suffer from BPD, which thankfully you do not have yet (hopefully never with the right support now.) I think you will get better help on the Conflicted about continuing, Divorce and Custody board. There are many experienced veterans who can advise you well.

Take care, you will get through this.
 

[AYG]

Please help- my wife has 8 of the BPD traits which came into clear after 6 months after starting dating.Now married for 5 years. Her mother and myself got her admitted for a 72 hr hold at a psych hospital in Oct 2019 after her severe psychotic episode that lasted 7 days and culminated in her cutting her arm and leg all night in my bathroom leaving blood splatter everywhere. She has a hx. of cutting since teen yrs. She is 16 yrs younger than me and I ended a great,stable 20 yr marriage due to my terrible decision to begin a relationship with her- classic older MD and younger RN scenario.
She was abused sexually as a teen and her parents sent her to a troubled teen school for 1.5 years- diagnosed as bi polar/ severe depression/ ADHD but never borderline. I have experienced everything imagineable since marriage- constant threats of divorce, severe raging episodes, verbal/emotional/ physical abuse, projection that it’s all my fault, home damages, damaged family and friend relationships, and now a 11 month old beautiful son which she is using as a weapon against me in an impending divorce.
She took my baby boy without me knowing in Jan. this year to live with her alcoholic father and immediately took out a protective order against me claiming physical,emotional abuse and claiming I am an alcoholic and drug addict ( false claims). Then, she caused me to resign from my 22 year surgery position by calling my national health employer saying I was coming into work on alcohol and cocaine and had abused my prescription privileges several years ago (helped her own dad out who had no insurance). I passed the drug,alcohol test that very day but she made sure I would have to be suspended during the overall investigation and likely make it impossible to work there as she also made false accusations against my fellow surgeons. They helped me survive my nightmare issue in the oct 2019 with her but finally made it clear “it would “be highly wise to voluntarily resign” because your wife is so unstable and the practice fears what else she may do to bring unwanted, fraudulent claims against anyone I worked with. These were my close friends as well. She then the following weekend called the police and told them I was on a week long cocaine and alcohol binge and had a loaded pistol to my head at midnight. They immediately knew it was unfounded and left after I demanded a police report to be filed and documented.
I then found out she had been on a year spending spree of over $150,000. I likely will have to file for bankruptcy soon as she went thru an entire retirement account I had in 5 years as well, I was so blindly ignorant. I tried hundreds of times to get her help but she never ever feels she has any issues- it’s always been all my fault for everything bad in our life.
I moved out of my home so my family could move back in but now I can’t even see my son till the first court date.
I moved out of the state to be with my elderly parents, mother is wheelchair bound after severe stroke. She even sent them texts stating they will never see their only grandson due to my mistakes that caused our demise. Needless to say, I am despondent and battling myself every day on “ how can someone be so evil and want to completely destroy my entire life.”
Please any advice/opinions will be greatly appreciated. I simply can not get over this tragedy that I know no one that I know has gone through.