I Typically Know How To Fix My Problems, I See No Solution Here...

[Samsung789]

Last night I was forced to write a 5 page note in my phone about all the mentally exhausting problems my girlfriend causes me. I feel psychologically abused. I'm scared of my non-biological daughter ending up like her. And it feels like she projects me to be the abusive one to our daughter, making a big scene out of my small frustrations with her when she won't go to sleep when she's the one who has full on fits of rage in front of her. I'm scared one day she won't let me be around her one day or will put thoughts into her head that I'm the bad parent. I'm not legally or biologically the father, but I've been there from day 1, and if anything I'm the one who should be keeping our kid away from my girlfriend. I don't know what to do because I can't leave or else I risk leaving my little girl to deal with her mom's rage alone. I'm trapped and am missing out on having a happy life with a loving partner because I can't let her hurt my little girl. My girlfriend has been screwed up by her own mom and that's why she is the way she is. The majority of the time she is very sweet and kind, but she gets into modes from time to time where she will get frustrated and unleash hell. I understand she doesn't want to be this way and is coping with her own mom's abuse, but there's got to be a line. I don't know what to do or how to reason with her. She takes valid criticism as bullying and will get angry over being told so. I can't do anything but stay in the relationship so I can be a shield for my daughter. It's so unfair and messed up that I can't even convince her that she's doing things to hurt us.

[livednlearned]

It's so tough when there's a kid involved. How old is she? What is her relationship with you like?

Like you mention, reason doesn't work so great when someone is emotionally flooding.

It takes a lot of strength to not be emotionally injured in these relationships, and even though there are specific skills that can help, they aren't intuitive and must be learned (and practiced).

What is your GF like as a parent?

If you feel comfortable sharing an interaction, maybe we can walk with you and share some collective wisdom about things that make it less worse.

Glad you reached out. It really does help to post here.