Co-parenting

[Ricksilient]

First of all thank you very much for this posibility to engage in dialogue and provide a channel to share the experience of being lost.

I would like to exchange info about how to deal with a forced separation impose upon oneself by the BPD partner, spouse,I consider that I find myself  in the so called discard phase, we were until recently a couple, 13 years together, functioning as a family, obviously the chapters and dynamics of the BPD behaviour always have been present and a constant in all the years but somehow managed to stay together and live together as a family life until now, since 3,4 months ago suddenly she hates me, her behaviour towards me is very harsh, rejecting and cold. My concern is how to deal with the impose, form her side forced separation  when there are children, (a eight year old lovely daughter in my case), I don´t want the family to breack apart, I don´t want my daughter to be separated from me, and chaos is all in sight, after having build a home, a house, and having structured a family, thirteen years later out of the blue, everything is upside down and I don´t see that she is willing to repair, save , rescue o stay together keeping the family together. I am dealing with all the pain and surprise that that coldness and sudden rejection causes to me, a giant cargo train has struck me. I hope someone has a kind of advice on how to deal with this.

Thank you very much,

Ricksilient

[kells76]

Hey Ricksilient, welcome to the group. Glad you found us -- this is a place that "gets it".

You've talked about the suddenness of your spouse's rejection and coldness, and how also, at the same time, you've seen signs and symptoms over the years. That's understandable. For a while, things were manageable -- maybe not ideal, but manageable. Now, though, it's at another level, and you have an 8 year old to consider.

There's a "forced separation" going on -- can you tell us more about that? What does it look like? Is one of you out of the house? Where's your daughter staying?

That's frustrating that she doesn't seem willing to work on the family or the relationships, to try to make things better. I'm guessing maybe some resistance to counseling? How else does that show up?

Whatever she does or doesn't do, do you have a counselor for yourself? When we're dealing with pwBPD (people with BPD), we need an extra strong support system. I really encourage you to reach out for more strength and support, just like you're doing here.

If you were to think back, was there an "incident" or "moment" when she switched to "cold and rejecting"? What happened there?

Comment and post whenever works for you. So happy you're here and getting some support and understanding.

-kells76