Managing the unthinkable

[Bluejay12]

Hi All,
I've posted before regarding our daughter (BPD) and narcissist son in law.  Won’t allow us to see our sweet grandchildren.  Won’t even communicate with her sister anymore.  Usually it’s months at a time until they need us for something.  They live 6 minutes from here.  We used to be so close with our granddaughter since she was born. (4 now).  I can’t imagine where they’ve told her we are.  She must be so hurt and angry; we never even got to say goodbye to her.  Some days it’s just overwhelming and so hopeless.  They’ve blocked us on everything so we cant even inquire about the kids.  Hard to accept mental illness vs evil right now.  We are older so time is important for us not to waste.  We desperately want our granddaughter back in our lives but there is no way.  Everything we’ve read from many of your experiences indicates this is a common thread with BPDs (and narcissists).  We just need some positives vibes today I guess

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FindElaine]

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  It feels so hurtful to withdraw contact and attention.  I am guessing my daughter will do the same.  I am new to this forum and the only comfort I have found is that I am not alone and that I did not cause this.  Had I known things about this illness when she was growing up maybe I would have done things differently but as all parents we do what we think is the best for our kids in the moment.  Unfortunately we can not control any of their actions.  Hang in there.  Hopefully your daughter will come around.

[Bluejay12]

Thank you FindElaine❤️
So often it just helps us to know we are not alone as well.  The path forward appears so dim for most of us.  There seems to almost no self awareness of BPD sufferers themselves, which seems ironic to even say, since they are also the ones causing so much suffering to others.  I haven’t read any posts which indicate treatment, if accepted, has been successful.  The tie that appears to bind us all is knowing we are not alone in our grief and knowing it’s unlikely we could have altered the trajectory of this illness for our loved ones.  We truly appreciate others experiences and positive messages.  Thanks for helping us get through another day:)