I just don't know how to do this any longer

[dredgie]

My 30-year old daughter has blamed me for the trauma she says she experienced as a child and adult. She says I am the reason she has problems with relationships. She goes on and on in phone calls, texts, emails about how I've screwed up her life. She goes back and forth telling my ex-husband and I this on a very regular basis. I'm at the point where I don't take her phone calls anymore but I am so hurt and sad and angry...how do I deal with the grief of basically losing my daughter?



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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Cair_Paravel]

Hi Dredgie

I'm new here and also struggling, I'm not sure what advice I could give, I'm sure someone more experienced may be along to offer you something more practical.

I do want to empathise and just say I understand how hard it is to be beaten down emotionally with untruths and manipulations, and just the whole injustice of it all, and no matter how unfair and unjust it is, what you've reminded me is that underneath it all, its just really sad, that the pwBPD just cant see the love we have, and the lengths we have gone to to try and make it okay.

Sending you hugs

[dredgie]

Thank you so much for your words - you truly get it. Just the way you described how awful it is shows me you have suffered too. No one can possibly understand it unless they've gone through it.

Even though her words come from her mental illness and I know they aren't the truth, I still can't keep myself from taking them in and questioning who I am as a mother and a person. I have raised 2 other lovely children who are now adults  - both are therapists due, I'm sure, to the trauma of growing up with a mentally ill sibling. My head knows the truth but my heart breaks over how much she blames me.

[Cair_Paravel]

I have raised 2 other lovely children who are now adults 

I think its important to remember this-so often we can forget about all the things we did right among all the blame and accusations. Do you have anyone supporting you through all of this?

[By Still Water]

Hi Dredgie,

I’ve experienced the same frustrated and stressed feelings. Many hearts, here, are with you.  My husband and I have been smeared, in our son’s mind, and it hurts. We’ve given so much, over the years, to support his mental health. We’re currently getting the silent treatment, even though we’ve reached out in love - though not engaging when he’s rude. I’m a teacher, so I’m able to minister to many kids, which distracts me from our private pain, but it sometimes surges back.