I am not sure if its because of jealousy that maybe she will magically be better to them or scared that she always has been the "victim" and will be with someone that can hurt her or my kids.
Nobody wants to be the victimizer, they want to be the victim.
If her T said that she has severe traits - to change your personality takes a lot of work - it’s not easy to change one’s personality. A r/s doesn’t cure a person of BPD - BPD is maladaptive coping mechanisms that can look like short term fixes. You’re just kicking the can down the road and soon or later that side of her that only the people closest to her see will start to show.
Mixed with the usual wondering when the next blowup will be has me in a real anxiety filled state.
Im sorry that you’re going through this experience. It’s tough. I can relate with what you’re feeling that will eventually subside- it takes time. I would suggest to talk to a T.
My advice is don’t do shared custody through verbal agreements. In most cases people can be amicable after a divorce and can have flexibility. That’s what you want to have in life is it to have rigid ness but that feeling that describe - the dread and anxiety of not knowing what she’s going to do is because her emotions shift rapidly and you want to have a court order with as outlined as possible do that it doesn’t give her an opportunity to cause cause drama because of ambiguous language. I’d suggest to post in the legal board to crowdsourced ideas on your court order.
