New, daughter diagnosed with BPD

[Elleinad]

My 16 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with BPD. I want to live in denial, but know the truth. She has been diagnosed in the past with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Even though I feel like I have done a decent job of being a mom, with many mistakes in there, I feel like I have somehow destroyed my child. She definitely feels that I have caused this and lets me know frequently. I feel lost.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Elleinad
You have been on a long journey already - the other diagnoses you mention have symptoms that are very difficult for the person and the family.

Part of the BPD journey is realising that you are not to blame for your child having BPD. It is natural to feel responsible for your child - we do that from before they were born - but this is a different situation altogether.

Part of BPD seems to be blaming someone - usually a parent or close caregiver - for the pain and dysfunction they experience. The emotions are so strong, so powerful that our instinct is to rush in and try to 'make it better'. But we can only support and encourage, we can't do it for them.

I'm glad that you are here. There is a lot of information and also personal experience for you to draw on.

Perhaps the starting point for you could be the mantra:
'I didn't cause this, I can't contol it, I can't cure it.'

The three 'C's.

Another thing is to make sure you have your own support needs in place - whether it's time out for yourself, counselling - whatever helps you and meets your needs.

I think also to set boundaries. It is something you will read about here. Here I found a good explanation of this was given by someone who said 'view the boundaries as what is needed to protect yourself'. This was great for me. Instead of seeing this as a limit as to what dd does, it is what will make it impossible for me?

So perhaps think about a list of 'what ifs' ie what will you allow in your home? what if you are asked for financial support?

You don't give details about how the BPD symptoms are playing out in your home so not sure if what I am saying makes any sense.

Stay strong. Knowing there are many others dealing with the same difficulties is helpful I hope.