We both have traits of BPD -

[MacinakIsland]

After looking at the traits of a person with BPD, I see that I have 5 and my daughter has 6. I got  on this site to help ME deal with my fear of abandonment issues in regards to my daughter. My intense emotions are often triggered by her actions. Every therapist I have gone to says,”do you know what enmeshment is?” 
  I love her and don’t know how to love her without taking on all of her emotions and without obsessing about her. I find Alanon helps me a lot. It’s about letting go,
   She also calls me when she is upset  and I can talk “her down” by asking questions like, Is this true? Or listening. I am left with feeling dumped on and resenting her calls.
  She is in her early 30’s and I am in my late sixties. We live apart. If she has been diagnosed with BPD, she has not told me. She meditates, journals and walks when she is upset. These are all things I do too.
  The difference between us is that she exhibits rage quickly whereas I am the opposite, I am recovering from overeating and fear conflict.  I tend to stuff my emotions.
   If she were to read this, she might recognize who I am. So that worries me a little
   My husband is sick of listening to me talk about her as well as my friends and family, plus I do not think they would understand.well that is not true. I think I made that up. I make up stores too. Usually about the worst scenario possible. 
  I just vomited all this up… hopeful that this forum will give me some peace of mind. Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi MacinakIsland and welcome to the family.

It sounds as though both you and your dd have quite a kitbag of skills that you use to help you deal with the emotional rollercoaster ride that is BPD. In your daughter's kitbag is - you!

The issue of enmeshment is pretty complex I think from my experience. When a child is young it is normal and natural to support them as they develop and grow. In some ways we are forced to keep supporting our BPD children in ways we normally wouldn't do because many are not able to become responsible adults in lots of ways - so we support hoping that this will happen.

It can end up taking over our lives.

When you get to a certain point - where you seem to be at because you feel taken for granted etc - it is good to take back our lives even in a small way. It makes such a difference to start having even a short period of time when you are doing something you like for yourself, or even a time when you say 'I will not think about dd today at least until lunchtime!

Take small parcels of 'you' time. It's amazing how it can change things and rebalance life for you.

I hope you feel be coming here that you are not alone and we understand what life is like with a loved BPD child.