I need support

[Wild child]

My adult daughter was diagnosed with BPD before 18. She is now 32 with 4 kids. She is accusing me of abuse on texts and on Facebook. I'm not sure what to do. A lot of BPD info states abuse from parent. New info says different. Confused an frustrated...sad.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rev]

Hi Wild,

Welcome - that is really tough.  I am sorry to hear that you are carrying this now. My daughter is Bi-Polar. I can empathize with needing to protect yourself and wanting to help your child.  A really tough, tough situation.  Personally, I found it hard to find any peace for a while.

In raising the issue of the cause of BPD, what are you hoping someone reading that will understand about how you are feeling? Is this a case of wondering if somehow this is your fault, or that you might get blamed in some way?  Personally, I am pretty sure that the jury is still out regarding what causes BPD.  

Hang in there. Reach out and vent whatever you need to get off your chest. This place has lots of wisdom and zero judgement.

Rev

[Riv3rW0lf]

Hi Wild Child,

I am a daughter of a mother with BPD, and I rarely post on this board... But there is something I have struggled since I had my first born, and I wanted to share the conclusions I came up to, and I'm hoping this might soothes some parents here that have a BPD child.

I do believe the research when they say BPD has been linked to environmental factors, such as abuse and emotional neglect...this being said : it doesn't mean those factors were at home.

Our society as a whole is deeply traumatizing for children. And as parents, following the experts, doing our best, we are supposed to prepare our children for this twisted society. Not that it is all bad but what I mean is : it might not have been your home, the problem. If there is indeed an environmental factor, then it could just as much be all of society... The school system, the need to work work work to buy buy buy and for too many people, just to survive and put food on the table.

So... Be kind to yourself. When experts talk about environmental factors, I would argue that it is not necessarily the parents. In some cases maybe, but not in all cases...

Some people get heavily abused at home and don't develop BPD, and some people have wonderful loving parents, but just can't seem to adapt to this society we created for ourselves... In this latter case, I wonder what more we can do as parents than our best. And I do believe most parents do exactly that.

[Rev]

oops - posted by mistake