"The right help"

[lvgprd00]

My daughter BPD15 has recently been diagnosed with BPD in the past 6 months. It is a relief to have a diagnosis but overwhelming and frightening to think of her future right now. Husband and I are recently divorced after 25 years- the chronic stress finally took its toll. I'm basically a single parent working FT since she refuses to go with him. I live in a small town, doubt the experience of her therapist w/BPD and want to find "the right help" for her as the therapist never talks to me/updates/and acts like it's a big deal to give me updates. The biggest issue currently are the extreme screaming episodes which last hours, frequently involve breaking things and lashing out at me that this is "all my fault"-about 3 this week alone. She's made accusations of abuse during a hospitalization last year (biggest waste of time and money), DCS has investigated and fortunately the case was closed/no abuse. She's been to juvenile once for breaking my door and punching me. She's now on her 3rd school in 3 years, highly intelligent but chooses too much trouble. The stress seems completely debilitating at times, I've lost more friends than I have fingers, and feel completely isolated by this. We have spent thousands on her psychiatric care basically since she was a toddler and knew her angry outbursts were not normal, among other things. Meds and CBT, occasional DBT group haven't really helped much. Just really tired of all the appointments, going broke on copays, and don't really know what to do that would REALLY help.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hello lvgprd00, welcome. Just wanted you to know we saw your post. You sound exhausted, so I'm glad you found the group here, which really "gets it" that parenting a child with BPD is nonintuitive at best and really, really draining.

Can I ask, does your D15 have times when she is "at baseline"? What is her insight level and self reflection like during those times?

Also, was she accepting of her diagnosis?

That's hard to be in a position where it seems like the T isn't on your side as a teammate helping your D. We're in a US state where 14 year old children can make many serious medical and mental health decisions for themselves with no parental notification. It is difficult to figure out how to have a voice and not be seen as the problem, so I empathize with you.

How about her school, though? Do you have a sense of "the teachers, staff, and I are one team"?

You've been through so much. I hope you have moments where you can do something nice for yourself. And again, post whenever you need to here. So many parents here truly understand your position.

Keep us posted;

kells76