Odd things your BPD ex was jealous about

[imstillhere89]

What were the weirdest things your BPD ex was jealous about?
 
Probably I won't be able to mention everything he was jealous about but here are some examples:

*jealous about everyone I had on my Facebook (I deactived my fb after few months of our r/s because I thought it will make things easier)
*jealous about me agreeing with opinion of someone else but not his (even if I agreed with my friend on something totally different than I disagreed with him)
*jealous about my male cousin (I used to talk about our childhood a lot as he was like a brother to me, my ex shouted at me once that he is sure I had something more intimate with my cousin if I talk about him so much (crazy)
*jealous about memories in general
*I wasn't allowed to say a word about any of my ex partners (unless it was something really bad but even that would be inappropriate if I was talking about it longer than 2 minutes)
*If I would say something like "I have heard from someone" (in relation to some facts, news etc) he would automatically say "if you have heard this from any of your ex partners I don't wanna hear it!"
*He was jealous that I drink tea with milk (he thought I started to drink it being in r/s with a British guy, in fact I was drinking it back in our country as a child!)
*He was jealous about music I liked
*He was jealous about stand up comedian I liked...claiming he is funny too and he could be a comedian as well (nope he couldn't...drama queen rather..)
*He was angry (jealous, I think, too) that I didn't mind stand up comedian to swear but I didn't like his constant swearing...I have tried to explain the difference but..you can all guess how it ended...
*He was jealous about memes I liked and "word porns" I liked claiming he could create better ones..
*He was jealous if I liked food from a country that one of my exes come from (even tho I have never had this food with my ex)
*I have sent him a song from a black male artist ...he then discarded me saying "you probably like black d***s so f*** off!" And saying that they like such a fat a** like mine. Obviously, later on, he explained he isn't a racist and he was angry because he sent me something to express his love and  I have sent him this song instead of something nice..and that he never meant my bottom is big and fat but lovely and juicy... (he used to often say he isn't racist but then his jokes and comments would say otherwise... also me explaining that I have always been only into white people didn't help much ...)
*He was jealous that I like Android not IOS (he thought I like it because of my ex partner's opinion)
*He was jealous if my friends started to talk about our old friends (which he didn't know) and about our previous workplace .. if we ever started to talk about it (because I have seen those friends only in his presence so we never had a chance to talk about it when he wasn't around) he would just go to the garden to smoke with upset face...
*If we have been in a bigger group of people he would interrupt my conversation with someone else (even females) because he needed to remind me about himself and find something important to ask or tell me (I think it's related to jealousy)
*I was looking for some jewellery once (I usually wear it only going out) and he started asking weird questions about this jewellery ..when I asked why is he asking he said "I hope you don't have any jewellery from any of your exes cos I can't imagine you wearing that or even keeping that at home!" .. I had to explain for 30 min that I don't have any gifts like that from my exes (which was true)
*He wouldn't be happy for me to go out for a drink with a group of my ex coworkers (even though I asked him to come with me). One day when I said I will go no matter if he agrees or not, he booked an emergency appointment to the dentist knowing I will have to drive him there...claiming there was no other appointment but on the day I suppose to go out..and it was an evening appointment. He didn't manage to ruin my plans entirely because I said I will then go to see them for 1-1.5hr and then we will go to the dentist. He was acting happy about it but you should see his face ...
*One day when I was still working in a place I used to work when we were in the beginning of our r/s (later on I had to quit in order to start working with him- it seemed like a solution to all his jealousy) I was doing something quite odd at that day at work. Something that for majority would require help from a man. I was doing it all by myself telling him how proud I am of myself and that I will send him a picture when it's all done. He started to video call me. I said I can't pick up a video call at work as it's not allowed having my mobile with me and even by texting him I put myself at risk. He created a huge fight then saying that if I don't wanna pick it up it means somebody is helping me and for sure it's a man...
*When I was at work I had to call him on my breaks. And if I didn't reply for too long to a message he would get angry. One day I called him on the end of my lunch break as I was talking to my team members. He was shouting at me on the phone how could I call him in the end of the break not for the entire break and why talking to others was more important. That followed a poem about "how bad it is to get involved in conversations with ppl from work" etc
*When I was giving him ideas where I could work (as I wanted to find something new) he would say "oh no ...you can't work there..you would be talking to too many people ".."no you can't work there either..you are too attractive and there would be too many males"
 
Sometimes he would make such a stupid excuses for getting angry just not to show that the reason for his anger was just being jealous... most of the time it was very hard for him to admit he was jealous..

There was soo soo much of this.. if I ever remember anything else I will update it.
What is your experience? Can you relate to any of this?

[arjay]

Well besides wanting to read all my emails, isolating me from family (jealousy), hating my ex-wife, and never wanting me to be anywhere without her (besides work), the worst I suppose was her "going off the deep end" when I went to a regular Church group meeting where we did book reads.

She normally would go but over time declined.  After not going for weeks (because of her), I decided to go (yes I asked if she wanted to go and she declined).  That night (upon returning 2 hours later), her "dark side" came out and she was furious.  "WHERE WERE YOU?"..."Where was I?  - huh? -  I was at church - told you I was going there - feel free to check with the Reverend next time".  

It didn't matter what I said, in trying to calm things down.  I finally ended up in the back bedroom as I didn't want things to escalate any more than they had.  She returned banging on the door and I finally opened it, where she proceeded to smack me several times (I let it go).  The next morning you would have never known anything happened the night before, given her completely changed demeanor.  

Yes that was the strangest incident of jealousy I suppose - jealous over me going to Church...  .  BTW none of the rules ever applied to her.

[I Am Redeemed]

Imstillhere89, your ex sounds just as jealous as mine. He did many of the same things you listed, even the racist comments while claiming to not be racist.

He also got jealous of attention I paid to my children. He was jealous that I laid out their clothes for the next day ( they were 3 and 4) and not his

[imstillhere89]

How could they not realise that this ridiculous jealously makes things worse .. I felt like I have to constantly prove something to him and constantly explain myself. Now I know I shouldn't do that as it never helped anyway and he was only losing respect towards me eveytime I tried to explain I didn't do anything wrong...

[I Am Redeemed]

How could they not realise that this ridiculous jealously makes things worse .. I felt like I have to constantly prove something to him and constantly explain myself. Now I know I shouldn't do that as it never helped anyway and he was only losing respect towards me eveytime I tried to explain I didn't do anything wrong...

Extreme jealousy is linked to some mental illnesses, including schizophrenia, BPD, and even anxiety:

https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/jealousy

Unstable relationships are a Hallmark of BPD and extreme jealousy contributes to that. They don't think rationally about the effects of extreme jealousy on a relationship. It's part of a deeply ingrained pattern of relating that is wrapped up in maladaptive ways to get needs met. It probably also has a basis in "feelings equal facts".

[swisco]

Interesting thread...

My xuBPDw expressed jealousy about the following things:

- Me being able to land just about any job I applied for in my IT field.  Throughout our relationship and marriage over a 5 year period, I applied for 4 different new jobs.  Each new position was a step up from where I was, and I had decided to apply on that basis alone.  I was successful every time.  She, on the other hand within that time period, ended up leaving 2 jobs she had, after experiencing multiple problems with bosses. She had got into trouble because it seemed that she couldn't help herself become embroiled in staff room spats and office politics which really she had no business becoming involved in.  This alienated her from others and I think by the end of both she was really made to feel obliged to move on.  Every one of the 4 times I got the letter or email of acceptance, I was grumbled at - "why is it YOU can get and keep jobs, and I can't?"

- The appearance and demeanour of a couple of attractive members of the church she was a member of.  Don't get me wrong, my former wife was a striking looking woman herself, but her comments to me about these other girls were way over the usual green-eyed monster variety, and bordered on the offensive.  In a *church* setting...  Go figure.

There were other examples too.

Jealousy and envy seems to be a commonly mentioned trait, and is something I noticed very early on in our relationship.  I took it as being a sign of general insecurity, which of course it is.  However, instead of bettering herself to the point where perhaps she didn't need to complain about something, nothing ever improved.

Just one of the many hamster wheels they live on.

[imstillhere89]

I have realised that his jealousy improved with time. In the beginning of our r/s there was much more of it than in the end. BUT! Now I know that the only reason why he wasn't as jealous as in the beginning just because I've changed my life completely, avoiding everything that could possibly make him jealous. So it wasn't really him changing. It was me who's changed...

[Sappho11]

Ex was jealous about literally everything I spent time on that wasn't him: Playing the piano (part of my job), teaching, going to the gym, meeting a friend, reading, spending time putting on makeup and curling my hair, cuddling with and talking to my pet, etc.

We had a discussion quite early on in which we were haggling about the time I was spending at the gym. At that time it was my predominant hobby, and he calculated how these twelve hours a week which I cherished would subtract from "our" time over the year.

When I stopped doing some of the things mentioned, he lost interest in me. He had "won" so that was that.

It's a cliché, but never again will I compromise on things I love in order to keep a man.

And as another poster mentioned above, none of the arbitrary rules he set up for me applied to him, ever. While I was supposed to stay home doing nothing, he was free to do whatever he pleased, whenever he pleased.

[imstillhere89]

My ex wasn't doing anything if it didn't include me. He wanted to do absolutely everything together. All the time. Without a break. Living together,  working together (and we did for over 6 months), hobbies together, if going out anywhere- together, shopping together, cooking and cleaning together.. it was nice to be a priority in his life but lack of time for myself was very difficult. In time I started to do my stuff. He didn't mind much because I was doing it at home. But quite few times I have seen him quite upset when we were doing things separately. He was too much most of the time. And he would never stop talking. I was coming back from work and had to listen to so many different stories and ideas ..and If I asked for 10minutes of silence, he wouldn't respect it most of the time. Sometimes he didn't even have anything to talk about but he wouldn't shut up anyway. Same with text messages whilst we were both working. He would text me few times per day. Or if I was at work and he was off he would text me "can't you finish early today? I'm missing you, waiting for you" ...and that was by the end of our almost 2 year r/s..so it wasn't the beginning...
In the beginning though he would want to go shopping with me even when I told him I want to go alone and quickly (with him it never was quick shopping). He was upset and didn't understand why I don't wanna go together. Or when I was going shopping literally for like 20-30min he used to say "be quick cos I'm gonna miss you" or when he was going shopping without me, he was asking "will you miss me?"...crazy...

[Sappho11]

In the beginning though he would want to go shopping with me even when I told him I want to go alone and quickly (with him it never was quick shopping). He was upset and didn't understand why I don't wanna go together. Or when I was going shopping literally for like 20-30min he used to say "be quick cos I'm gonna miss you" or when he was going shopping without me, he was asking "will you miss me?"...crazy...

This. Exactly this, word for word.

I detest shopping, and I can't count the number of times I found myself in a supermarket looking for him like a child that had wandered off, thinking to myself "What am I doing, I absolutely hate this".

[imstillhere89]

For me the worst part of shopping with him was as he treated this as kind of hobby or activity .. and I hate shopping. Also shopping with him ended with fight so many times that I just preferred to avoid it. Also him questioning everything I wanted to buy was something I couldn't stand. I felt like a child going shopping with parents "no we won't buy this. Why do you want this? We don't need it" etc. I feel sick thinking about it ...

[Sappho11]

For me the worst part of shopping with him was as he treated this as kind of hobby or activity .. and I hate shopping. Also shopping with him ended with fight so many times that I just preferred to avoid it. Also him questioning everything I wanted to buy was something I couldn't stand. I felt like a child going shopping with parents "no we won't buy this. Why do you want this? We don't need it" etc. I feel sick thinking about it ...

I think it's just part of their arsenal of trying to incite an argument wherever they are. You felt patronised because it was a patronising experience. For him it was a win-win solution: Either he puts you down and makes you feel small so he feels better about himself, or you start resisting so he can start an argument with you.

[imstillhere89]

That's right. And his win-win solutions were almost about everything in our r/s. Even when he was the one losing in the end...

[Pearl111]

You are not alone in this. My ex-boyfriend will BPD had exactly the same type of jealousy, I would say morbid and paranoid jealousy. If I forgot to update him with pictures one day he would wake up and start creating drama saying that I'm hiding things and cheating on him. If someone hit on me in the street and I told him he would say I was locking eyes first, but if I didn't say anything he would say I was hiding things and betraying him. He didn't want me to do my master's degree or open an art gallery which was my dream. He even told me I shouldn't be working with man and he doesn't want me taking men clients. He micromanaged my social media and clothes, I also deactivated social media to appease him. He didn't want me going to the gym, we had a huge drama about it. Clothes that were my size he was jealous of. He even told me I probably masturbated watching Avengers when I didn't feel like engaging in cyber sex with him because when he called I was watching that film. Male friends were completely not allowed. He thought I was having sex with someone while I was talking on the phone with him and made me video call him and prove my innocence. Total insanity.

[shikai]

My ex was jealous of anything that took my attention away from it (I can't bring myself to say "her" because that implies my ex is human.) It was jealous of my relationship with my family, friends, and pets. It was jealous of the time I spent in the garden and even accused me of loving the strawberries more than it. It then proceeded to tear out every last strawberry plant and threw them all in the trash can.

[SinisterComplex]

My ex was jealous of anything that took my attention away from it (I can't bring myself to say "her" because that implies my ex is human.) It was jealous of my relationship with my family, friends, and pets. It was jealous of the time I spent in the garden and even accused me of loving the strawberries more than it. It then proceeded to tear out every last strawberry plant and threw them all in the trash can.

That tracks as fairly common. Child-like behavior and jealousy.

Cheers and best wishes!

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