Recognizing coercive control as domestic violence

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

https://www.law360.com/articles/1380900/legally-recognizing-coercive-control-can-help-abuse-victims

Looks like a lot of states are adding to the definition of DV to include coercive control. If you read the language of the bills, it reads like a BPD playbook:

Coercive control. As used in this paragraph, "coercive control" means a pattern of behavior against a person protected under this act that in purpose or effect unreasonably interferes with a person's free will and personal liberty. "Coercive control" includes, but is not limited to, unreasonably engaging in any of the following:

(a) Isolating the person from friends, relatives, or other sources of support;

(b) Depriving the person of basic necessities;

(c) Controlling, regulating or monitoring the person's movements, communications, daily behavior, finances, economic resources or access to services;

(d) Compelling the person by force, threat or intimidation, including, but not limited to, threats based on actual or suspected immigration status, to (i) engage in conduct from which such person has a right to abstain, or (ii) abstain from conduct that such person has a right to pursue;

(e) Name-calling, degradation, and demeaning the person frequently;

(f) Threatening to harm or kill the individual or a child or relative of the individual;

(g) Threatening to public information or make reports to the police or to the authorities;

(h) Damaging property or household goods; or

(i) Forcing the person to take part in criminal activity or child abuse.

[BigOof]

https://www.law360.com/articles/1380900/legally-recognizing-coercive-control-can-help-abuse-victims

Looks like a lot of states are adding to the definition of DV to include coercive control. If you read the language of the bills, it reads like a BPD playbook:

Coercive control. As used in this paragraph, "coercive control" means a pattern of behavior against a person protected under this act that in purpose or effect unreasonably interferes with a person's free will and personal liberty. "Coercive control" includes, but is not limited to, unreasonably engaging in any of the following:

(a) Isolating the person from friends, relatives, or other sources of support;

(b) Depriving the person of basic necessities;

(c) Controlling, regulating or monitoring the person's movements, communications, daily behavior, finances, economic resources or access to services;

(d) Compelling the person by force, threat or intimidation, including, but not limited to, threats based on actual or suspected immigration status, to (i) engage in conduct from which such person has a right to abstain, or (ii) abstain from conduct that such person has a right to pursue;

(e) Name-calling, degradation, and demeaning the person frequently;

(f) Threatening to harm or kill the individual or a child or relative of the individual;

(g) Threatening to public information or make reports to the police or to the authorities;

(h) Damaging property or household goods; or

(i) Forcing the person to take part in criminal activity or child abuse.

[maxsterling]

Interesting. 

regarding  (a):  I think much of this is subtle.  I don't see my family or friends as much anymore because 1) W complains about them so seeing them with her is stressful - so I avoid it.  2)  W will say I can see them on my own, but W will then find reasons why I can't go, talk about how much stress that puts upon her, or then decide to go along with me, complaining the whole time.  3) will want me to include her on all communication I have with them either via group chat or group phone call.  Again she will try to guilt trip me for not including her on such communication.

regarding (c) - my W will be upset if I don't tell her of an appointment or communication that happens during normal work hours.  Again, this can be subtle. 

(e) is obvious, but also subtle.  I am only recently becoming more aware and affected by the small demeaning or degrading things she says on a daily basis.  Sarcasm is her #1 tactic.

(h) I would include in this disposal/selling/throwing away yours or shared possessions without your knowledge.     I also include intentional negligence that leads to something being unusable. 

[BigOof]

maxsterling, maybe you want to try the On Record app:

https://apps.apple.com/us/app/onrecord/id1293103626

and let us know the results.

[ForeverDad]

"Coercive control" includes, but is not limited to, unreasonably engaging in any of the following:

(a) Isolating the person from friends, relatives, or other sources of support...

This is a refrain so often echoed here, that a member was essentially isolated from support.  Today I read a news article where abduction survivor Elizabeth Smart (abducted in June 2002 for 9 months) was sharing what she'd learned, commenting on the report of an arrest of a suspect for the four murders in November 2022 in Moscow, Idaho.

Your safety should always be a priority. And trust your gut... Your safety should be a priority. Don't take chances when it comes to your safety.

One of the "biggest red flags," Smart said family and friends should be able to identify, is when someone is isolating themselves.

"When they're cutting off what should be important relationships," Smart said. "That is a red flag of abuse. That's a red flag of domestic violence. That's a red flag of human trafficking, when meaningful relationships are being cut off and a person is becoming isolated. I would say that's just about a red flag for anything. So make sure you are keeping this conversation going. ... Being safe. That is a priority."

https://www.foxnews.com/media/abduction-survivor-elizabeth-smart-shares-safety-advice-red-flags-family-friends-look

[yellowbutterfly]

I've had so many friends say that they wished they'd asked me if I was ok during my abusive relationship. I canceled on so many of them; he always had some drama right before I was leaving the house (for work, dinner with friends, anything) that it got to a point where I was both isolated by him and by myself. I didn't know what was happening to me for a bit there.

Great reminder to CHECK ON OTHERS in your life.