Filed for additional time, more BPD behaviors

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello BPD Family,
I recently filed for more custodial time and was wondering if you could help me narrow down some of these behaviors which I feel may be BPD related.
1.  Do BPD switch back and forth between serious goals or views without any outside proof.  For instance my exbpd always complained that I wasn't an involved father but know she's refusing to give me more time.
Another example I remember reading on this board is how bpd's have strict standards for dating, upon entering a relationship they may say they are looking for marriage, family and a long term commitment and may tell their partner these are deal breakers for them.  A few months later they may say that they don't marriage, a baby, etc, then change back the following month to wanting those things.
I know borderlines switch because of splitting but how many of us have done nothing wrong for them to paint us black. 
2.  How many of our borderlines told us they will do whatever it will take to make the relationship work only to have them walk out on us in heartbeat.  Isn't this a hallmark trait of this disorder, how many people have been told this?

[Newyoungfather]

Hello BPD Family,
I recently filed for more custodial time and was wondering if you could help me narrow down some of these behaviors which I feel may be BPD related.
1.  Do BPD switch back and forth between serious goals or views without any outside proof.  For instance my exbpd always complained that I wasn't an involved father but know she's refusing to give me more time.
Another example I remember reading on this board is how bpd's have strict standards for dating, upon entering a relationship they may say they are looking for marriage, family and a long term commitment and may tell their partner these are deal breakers for them.  A few months later they may say that they don't marriage, a baby, etc, then change back the following month to wanting those things.
I know borderlines switch because of splitting but how many of us have done nothing wrong for them to paint us black. 
2.  How many of our borderlines told us they will do whatever it will take to make the relationship work only to have them walk out on us in heartbeat.  Isn't this a hallmark trait of this disorder, how many people have been told this?

[kells76]

Good to hear from you again, NYF -- hope you had some relaxing time around the holidays.

I guess my question about your questions  is:

What would you say your goal is, in seeking these answers?

You mention you recently filed for more custodial time. Is your hope that if her behaviors aren't just "annoying" but "diagnosed and on the record", that things will go better for your case legally? Or is it more that you are hoping for more understanding of her behaviors, to help you generally plan what you want to do?

Does that difference make sense?

Asking so that we can understand better how to support you and offer feedback.

Hope your kiddo is doing great!

-kells76

[Newyoungfather]

Hello Kells76,
To answer your question a little bit of both.  I want to understand about these behaviors and if anyone ever experienced this.  My attorney and I may ask for a mental eval however my attorney wants to comb through previous evaluations to see if these behaviors are mentioned in other custody battles.

[ForeverDad]

How can you not be a good father if she won't let you be one?  This is part of the insidious - and unprovable - negativity you can't let the court assume.

Be aware that courts generally don't dig into the whys and wherefores, especially regarding mental status.  They lean heavily on mental health professionals such as with psych evals (quick general overviews) and custody evaluations (deep assessments over many sessions of both parents including their parenting).

This is why I previously advocated that if you are to be assessed, then be sure both of you are assessed.  You can't let the court assume you're the perp and ignore looking at her just because she made the claims.

Yes, people with BPD (pwBPD) do behave differently as their moods and perceptions change their perceived 'realities'.  I call it predictably unpredictable.

If your lawyer can dig up prior records of her mental behaviors and evaluations, then go for it.