Frustrated and Sad

[Peony1214]

My 23-yo daughter was diagnosed with BPD about 3 years ago. She also has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ADD. She is becoming increasingly difficult to be around. We are constantly walking on eggshells, afraid that a wrong look or word will set her off on a verbal tirade. Looking back on her younger years, her dad and I were always walking on eggshells, even when she was a tiny child. I remember it was just easier to give in, rather than face her temper, which scared us. I have big regrets about that now and feel that has contributed to where we are today.

She is resistant to getting treatment. She has been to many therapists, either not liking them and firing them, or they fire her because of too many no shows. I am just so tired of trying to find yet another therapist to help her. This last go around, after a suicidal threat and visit at home by a crisis team, we were given the names of a couple therapy groups that provide DBT. We had never been told she needed specialized therapy! I found her a new therapist and she seemed to connect with her, but again her attendance and commitment have been spotty. Her therapist was starting up a new support group for girls her age and told us about it. DD agreed to go, so her dad and I paid out of pocket for it. She has not gone once, and stopped going to therapy and has been fired again. Her life is so chaotic and friends are dropping off like flies. She is impulsive and making bad choices, including stealing from us. Her dad and I are divorced, and she got into his phone and read a text that I sent him telling him how worried I am that she isn’t getting help and nobody will want her if she doesn’t learn how to control her emotions and have healthy relationship skills. She is devastated and I’m heartbroken. I just want this roller coaster to stop and don’t know how to help her, if she doesn’t care to help herself. I want to be a support for her, but don’t want to enable her. Thanks for letting me vent’

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Aurora]

Hi Peony, thank you for sharing. I applaud your great courage. I can absolutely related to your story--my child is now 40 years old and has dealt with depression since a teenager. Also has ADD, which makes their lives even harder. I am trying so hard to keep my mental balance, but it's hard to do. A year or so ago we had a falling out--he began screaming and raging at me over something so trivial, then chased me when I walked out the door. On the street he yelled something awful, and since then has refused to respond to my apology messages saying I was sorry that things got out of hand. Now, I'm struggling with missing him and missing the happy times we did have, before his depression got so much worse. At least you still have your daughter in your sight. Hang in there, friend!