Due to the abuse of my bpd mother, I've had abusive boyfriends and husband (now ex and passed away). They started out as kind, intelligent, decent and acted with integrity. Unfortunately, they abused and took advantage of me. They had PDs in my opinion. I missed red flags but how did they know who to pick?
I read an interesting study last year how a person's gait (body language) may show their vulnerability to victimization to those with the certain types of PDs - narcissism and anti-social disorders.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886918304896----------------------------------
Studies have established that nonverbal cues such as gait (i.e., the way in which people walk) can be accurate indicators of vulnerability to victimization (Grayson & Stein, 1981; Gunns, Johnston, & Hudson, 2002; Murzynski & Degelman, 1996). Using these nonverbal cues, individuals higher in psychopathic traits appear to be more accurate in identifying victim vulnerability in both student (Ritchie, Blais, Forth, & Book, 2018; Wheeler, Book, & Costello, 2009) and offender samples (Book, Costello, & Camilleri, 2013) than individuals with fewer psychopathic traits. As psychopathy is not the only personality disorder associated with increased victimization, manipulation, and deception, it is possible that the Dark Tetrad, consisting of psychopathy, Machiavellianism, narcissism (Paulhus & Williams, 2002), and more recently, everyday sadism (Buckels, Jones, & Paulhus, 2013).
The gait of each target was coded according to Grayson and Stein's (1981) criteria and it was confirmed that past victimization (i.e., any victimization equal to or greater than bullying) was related to vulnerable gait cues.
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I checked my security camera after reading this. I slouched and looked nervous when walking compared to others walking by. They had better posture and looked confident. My bpd mom's horrific abuse no doubt contributed to my nervous gait.
I started walking with good posture while faking confidence right away. I checked my camera and it was similar to others walking by. Walking like this for a year has helped increase my self-esteem and decreased low-grade fear when I walk outside. I thought this paper may be helpful to others in the same boat.
