divorcing: custody and forcing me out of the house

[zondolit]

My uBPD/NPD co-parent and I have been nesting (alternating between an apartment and being at home with the children) with an agreement of 50/50 parenting time as we go through what is a very drawn out divorce. The nesting is a temporary arrangement.

He has started to "inform" me of the parenting schedule and, despite my disagreement because the schedule is nowhere close to 50/50, show up at the house when I'm with the children. I cannot be in the house with him, so feel forced to leave. I hate this for my sake and the children's sake. I get the sense he would LOVE to have us all in the house together. Not achieving that, he gets to "win" the custody game and get a temporary rush of control.

The housing market is really tight in my area and nearly all houses on the market are far more expensive than my current house. Interest rates are high and my credit score took a beating as I shut down joint credit cards that he'd run up debt on. I'd prefer to keep the house and buy him out but he and his lawyer do not respond to my offer. Because I am the wage earner, it seems unlikely he can buy me.

Advice?

[scraps66]

Could file for exclusive possession of the marital residence, or at least threaten him with that, suggest he live elsewhere.  Or, set up a custody plan, and you move elsewhere.  Key is that you have a custody agreement of some kind in hand prior to making a move. 

[ForeverDad]

If he cannot afford the house, then he can't end up with the house.  Or else you'd end up elsewhere but paying the house's expenses.

In a divorce, especially involving BPD, you have to end any joint ownership of homes, vehicles, accounts, etc.  It may not happen up front, but must occur by the time of the final decree.

I did get a temp protection order (TPO) at the start of my separation and so I never had to face the Battle of Wills on who gets the house.  But the reality was that my then-stbEx could not have afforded a mortgage, so an equity buy-out on her part couldn't have happened anyway.  So our choices narrowed to (1) sell the home and split the proceeds or (2) I buy out her equity.  I bought her out, refinanced the higher mortgage in my name only at the same time as she signed over a quit claim deed to me.

Don't forget to ensure all your property and account beneficiaries get updated too.  And review them all again after the divorce is complete.