Detaching

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi,

I am feeling guilty on distancing myself from a pwBPD. I tried to be there for the person but I felt unwelcome and disrespected many a times. Now when it started affecting my mental health, I thought of distancing myself will be better. But at the same time I feel bad on choosing myself, as I think how the pwBPD will feel and think about themselves once they find out about the change.
I am so confused with my status in this relationship. Sometimes the person will reply to the text and sometime they do not reply to my text for days.  Also, when I get the reply sometimes it's very cold or sometimes it will be full of warmth. I am so confused if I should stay or leave. I do not want to leave keeping in mind the 'hurt' and neither am I able to be there. As I worry that I won't be able to offer the same love and warmth as before if the person decided to return back.
If any one can please guide me or direct me a little it will be a great help.

[Shiny_D]

Hi,

I am feeling guilty on distancing myself from a pwBPD. I tried to be there for the person but I felt unwelcome and disrespected many a times. Now when it started affecting my mental health, I thought of distancing myself will be better. But at the same time I feel bad on choosing myself, as I think how the pwBPD will feel and think about themselves once they find out about the change.
I am so confused with my status in this relationship. Sometimes the person will reply to the text and sometime they do not reply to my text for days.  Also, when I get the reply sometimes it's very cold or sometimes it will be full of warmth. I am so confused if I should stay or leave. I do not want to leave keeping in mind the 'hurt' and neither am I able to be there. As I worry that I won't be able to offer the same love and warmth as before if the person decided to return back.
If any one can please guide me or direct me a little it will be a great help.

[Mutt]

Hi Shiny_D,

I can understand how hard it can be to distance yourself from a loved one. You mentioned in another post that they're going through a difficult time. It can also be hard to be there for someone when we're going through a tough time.

[ForeverDad]

As a general comment on ending a relationship with a person with Borderline traits, I want to include that we may never know for sure whether a person is truly on a Borderline spectrum so all we can do is to assess the behaviors and conclude what it means for us.

That said, if your friendship does fail, then it usually isn't possible to continue contact afterward, sort of as "friends but at a distance".  So if your relationship does fail, then Gift yourself any closure you may wish and then move on with your life.  There may still be occasional contact but it would be on a non-emotional basis.