Adult grandchild living at home with BPD and Controls everything

[winterwhite53]

   I have moved in with my daughter and her 2 adult daughters and second husband due partially to health and financial assistance. My daughter's youngest daughter is 22  and  has BPD.  Her daughter, my granddaughter, rules the house often with abuse to the house, cars or verbally. My daughter is extremely patient and loving but she looks like she has aged ten years in the last three years. My granddaughter is on medication and smokes pot for anxiety plus xanax. I am seventy years old and have some health issues and cannot walk alone, she honestly frightens me when she gets in one of her moods...I just try to stay to myself and not talk.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Winterwhite53
I am so sorry for your situation! We understand what it is like to have someone with BPD living in the same house on a day to day basis. It is stressful to say the least, and really can be frightening.

You say your gd is on medication plus self medicating with weed. My dd is dependent on weed and her anger etc is made worse when she has run out. Do you notice a pattern like this with your gd? Is her mood/anger worse on particular days of the week? Could they coincide with her being out of money to buy weed?

It must be so hard watching your dd having to cope with this situation and it must also be extra hard not to say something to your gd when she is abusive, aggressive etc.

You are handling the situation really well. I live with my dd and I have found that being rather withdrawn and not initiating conversation has helped things enormously.

I wonder if your dd is getting help in any way to understand and deal with bpd behaviours? Without understanding BPD it is all very confusing and really impossible to cope I think.

Is it possible for you to move?  Perhaps your being there is a support for your dd as she tries to cope with this.

I am glad you posted here. I think some people feel anxious about posting (even worrying that the bpd person will find out they have done so) so they hold all this to themselves.

But this is a safe place to come, to get information and to read other's stories. The biggest thing is knowing I am not alone. There are others out there who understand exactly what I am going through . . . . and that really makes a difference for me.

I hope it is a help for you also.