BPD and favorite person

[Ursala]

What can a parent do when they adult child who lives with them is going through a break up.  The other person wants to break up.  What words or support can I give her.  She has a job she needs to go to and I don’t know how to help her.  Please help me.  Maybe there are phrases that will help her.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Ursala
This is really difficult for anyone let alone someone with BPD. Is it certain that they will break up?

I can only suggest things that come to my mind. It will be important to find the right moment to say anything. I think when a moment comes it is good to make short statements and leave it at that for a while. When you find another moment - add something else. Working like this I would try to say things like:
Separation is so hard, and even harder when it's not what you want.
You must be feeling a terrible loss and huge gap in your life.
The pain of loss is because you love someone; if you didn't love you wouldn't feel so much pain.
When you feel really bad, tell yourself it's okay to feel like this - this is normal when you are grieving a loss.
There is no timeframe for grieving.
It's important to look after ourselves - enough sleep, eat well etc - because losing someone is perhaps the highest level of stress we can have.
Keeping to a routine provides a framework for our lives while we grieve. It helps us hold together while the process goes on within us.
Going to work will provide a firm framework to hold your daily life together. Can you think of other things you can add on a routine basis that would help?

These are just some thoughts. Without knowing your dd it is hard to suggest things. Generally I find it is important to acknowledge how painful this loss is and that we don't get over it (ie I don't like the word 'closure'), but we incorporate the loss and grief into our selves - if that makes sense!

Let's know how things are going . . .