My niece has BPD

[AusticAunt]

I have learned a lot reading here.  My niece has had a rough time.  I have autism, so I see things differently and she isn't my daughter. So setting boundaries and holding her accountable has not been difficult.

At times she has hated me, but I tell her I love you and I will not let you die homeless or on drugs.  If I have to turn you in I will. I want a better life for you.  Tears don't work on me I really don't get the emotional stuff so it’s wasting her time crying throwing a fit.

She has never been abusive to me.  Just talking about me which I don't care. I see the world as you do the right thing or you suffer consequences.  I will never let anyone with BPD live with me.

I moved her to an area where I knew police had a bigger presence and if she went back to drugs she would be caught. I told her this.  She went to rehab 2 times before it seemed to help.  She has been on different meds finally they seem to be helping.  She is bi-polar and BPD.  She is taking classes to help with her mental illness and addiction. 

I also set boundaries told her I would pay her copay til she got a job.  But she must start community service now.  She volunteered with an animal shelter.  She loves it and they love her .  She now has a job there too and volunteers on her days off.  Working with people never seems to last or work out well.  She has a love of pets. I gave her one month after she got as job then i would help with her probation fees only.  She has to pay child support.  She lives in a place we bought for her mother so it’s not costing rent.  She can work part time and not be stressed she can't make enough.

If she does drugs , quits job doesn't finish community service I am done.  I have paid a lot of money to get her to this point. I told her it happens once. She knows I am the only one besides her probation officer that will hold her accountable.  Her mother does not,  But I am also her biggest cheerleader when she is going in right direction.  If she needs clothes for the job til she gets paid I will help her. 

She is calm with the new meds. She is talking to her kids and they miss her. Praying that she will continue.  My heart does break to see so many lost young adults with BPD.

I had a bipolar brother I took care of and I learned a lot. 

[Methuen]

Austic Aunt, welcome!

Your neice is lucky she has you!  It sounds like she connects with you, because she has done all this! You are indeed her cheerleader, and probably her rock. 

Good for you! 

This is a beautiful example of how neurodivergency plays an important role in our fabric.

Thanks for sharing. 

Hoping she is strong enough to be ready to stay on the wagon. . 

[AusticAunt]

Thank you.  I  want her to have a better life. She was homeless for a few years and it took a toll on her health.  I know if she goes back to drugs or homeless she wont lasts very long.  Her children deserve a Mom who can talk to them, they know her battles she gave up custody to keep them safe.