BPD wife of 17 years cheated and left. I also have low grade brain cancer

[carking1010]

BPD wife of 17 years (H.S Sweethearts) Cheated and Left and I am broken

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

So sorry to hear this.  You must be heartbroken in addition to dealing with your own distress from your diagnosis. Tell us more what happened.

[carking1010]

Current Situation: We have been separated fully for 4 months after many recycling phases. She is with her affair partner but can’t seem to fully let me go. Says she loves ne but can’t come back at least not right now. I am stuck in limbo and can’t seem to move on. Any help is appreciated.
I am 40 and wife is 39. We met in h.s and have been married for 18 years. 2 children and what I thought was a decent marriage. Last year, I caught her cheating and that’s when everything changed. I tried everything to reconcile but after she kept cycling back it finally ended 4 months ago after she got mad at me and assaulted me. We still talk and are amicable for our kids. She did move in with the guy she cheated with. Her personality has completely changed to be more like the guy. Also note, she choose someone pretty opposite of me. I was successful, clean cut, no drugs, responsible etc, while he was unemployed, kinda dirty, smoker, uneducated etc. All along the way as I tried to get her back she would end up lying and hurting me more. Some days she seems sorry and others she tells people I was not a good husband and tries to justify her poor behavior, she also tell
me she is heartbroken and miserable and suicidal in her current situation but makes no mention of returning to me? As I sit here tonight I am still devastated and miss her terribly. I feel like I am stuck in the past and can’t move on. I am in therapy and trying to work on my shortcomings and raise our
kids. I do have primary custody but she does see them a couple times per week. Also, the day before I caught her cheating we got confirmation that my brain tumor(astocytoma
grade 2)  had returned, so now I am so scared to have to face that without her.

[Cat Familiar]

That is indeed a tough situation.    I’m glad you have the support of a therapist.

How did you begin to suspect that she has BPD?

How are the kids doing? Were they aware of her cheating?