>Daughter with BPD reuniting with toxic boyfriend

[Sammy Jo]

Our 21yo DD with bpd left (unwillingly) a very toxic 8-month relationship with a 24 yo man a few months ago. He simply could not handle her severe mental illness. We had to call the police twice. We live 9 hours away. The first time she was held for 72 hours and the second time they released her the same night. Bottom line - we pulled her out of college and she is now taking time off between her sophomore and junior year. She was suicidal. Many times she says she is, but this is the time that I took her seriously. Since then when we brought her home, we have had to call the police and go partial no contact.

Just found out yesterday that he called her 2 days ago, took a week off, and is now here with her. We spoke to this young man ad nauseam when he was in her life about her challenges. We don't know what to do. I expect the same outcome this time - a breakup. Don't know whether she will try to pick up and move back 9 hours to where he is. He can't support both of them.

Bottom line - they are coming to our house tonight to "talk" to us. I don't want to push her toward him by saying what I really feel, which is "Have you lost your ever-lovin' mind?" Any suggestions? Really, really worried about his.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Sammy Jo
This is a situation I can relate to and it is heart breaking. My dd STILL goes back to man that she has been on an off with for years. They lived here with me for a while. The first time I called the police by the time they got here both of them had turned on me! The second time was more successful and the police took him away.

To see them back together - well words can't describe the feeling - the powerlessness of it all when you are not able to stop/influence their decisions.

I am wondering what it is they would be likely to want to talk to you about? Can you ask them BEFORE they come just so that you have time to think about what your response? In my case I know it would be could they both live here - and I have been there/done that and last time it was NO and I held out even though they went off to live in a tent in mid winter!

Are you able to find that out and get back here for suggestion?