There is hope

[Only Human]

Good day, fellow travelers!

I was very active on these boards back in 2018 as I struggled to improve my relationship with my DD who was diagnosed BPD at age 17. She's 30 now.

Our history is filled with everything you can think of when it comes to BPD. Some of my older posts may still be here if you're interested in the details. Suffice to say, it was horrific. And I was part of the problem.

In 8/2022 my DD asked me to care for my GS who was close to turning 8. She was living out of town for a few months prior to this and said that, while she understood that we can not live together, she wanted a stable place for GS to live and she wasn't able to give that to him. She predicted she'd need 2 years to get her act together. I agreed, of course.

I worried that she would change her mind and take him back. I worried that she would kill herself. I worried that GS would be too much for me. I worried that DD and I would fall into old habits.

I worried for nothing, as usual. DD and I are co-parenting GS and make a great team. When GS first came to live with me, she and I attended Loving Solutions (parenting training). She calls him every night and stays here every Saturday from about 4pm until Sunday after GS goes to sleep. She attends school functions. During the summer, she was here more often and we even took a couple of family vacations and some day trips together.

I enjoy my daughter. That's something I couldn't foresee back in 2018.

My grandson is very challenging due to his exposure to so many traumatic things. His ACES score is 9 and maybe even 10 but we haven't learned of any SA and hope that hasn't happened.

In order to properly care for GS, I retired in January 2023. He sees a therapist weekly, and has received services like Skills Training and Parent Child Interactive Training (PCIT). While he's still got a very long way to go, he's really gotten so much better in such a relatively short time.

I'm here today to tell you all to hang in there! Keep learning all you can and using the tools this board teaches. Most importantly, take good care of yourselves!

~ OH

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hi OH, welcome back  it's always meaningful to hear from long-term members returning to share updates.

That is really hopeful to hear that your DD and you are able, together, to make sure your GS gets frequent and consistent therapy. It's always the kids I worry about the most. It's also pretty incredible to hear that she was willing to attend a parenting class with you.

Do you think having all the structure in this setup has been helpful for her -- i.e., it's not "oh, let's figure it out on the fly, stop by whenever", but it's "we're taking these classes to be on the same page and this is the schedule"?

Stick around as much as works for you -- I'm sure having an 8 year old keeps you very busy!

-kells76

[InTheWilderness]

OH, your grandson is lucky to have you!

Sounds like everyone has/is putting in a lot of work. I love good news. I needed that. Thanks for sharing.

[WorkingOnItToo]

Thank you for sharing your story of hope. It’s wonderful you’re caring for your GS too.

You write that you were “part of the problem “ - are you able to talk more about that? I’m always keen to learn how I can do better.