How dark before the dawn

[White Orchid]

Hi - I have been with my husband 36 years and have just admitted to myself I’m in a coercive relationship - I can’t quite believe how I didn’t see his jealousy as control. I am seeing a counsellor and I know I need to leave the marriage to save myself. I feel like I’m on a roller coaster.

[Pook075]

Hi Orchid and welcome to the forums.  I'm so sorry you're going through this; I recently exited a 24 year marriage so I fully understand the pain and frustration.

Question- have you looked at the sticky tabs along the top of the page to better communicate with your spouse?  It makes a world of difference to learn to validate his feelings while avoiding his wrath.

Let us know how we can help and please share a little more of your story.

[ForeverDad]

It has often been said that the first step forward is the hardest.  Picture your first step forward on a new path was when you sought out a counselor.  Believe it or not, future steps forward will be "less hard" and soon your path forward will become clearer as well.

Nearly all of us here never had any idea that there were acting-out Personality Disorders.  ("Acting out" means the person is impacting or harming others more than self.)  We were never trained about mental health issues.  Our friends and family just called those people difficult, mean, even crazy.  So don't blame yourself for not knowing what to recognize or what to do.

However, here you can educate yourself and be better informed.  In that way you can now start making more practical and better decisions.

For example, you can click here to view a list of topics on our Tools & Skills workshops forum.