Hi lisaea1523 !
I have reviewed your
first,
second, and
third posts.
From what I read, I see signs of codependency. Do you agree? Please self-evaluate yourself and read more about it as needed.
The fact that he is withdrawn and depressed rather than outbursting is good. But this will certainly not stand. The outbursts will come back. So you'll have to learn how to enforce boundaries, and if he does not allow you to do so, you'll have to force both of you to proceed into a living-apart-together relationship.
But it seems like you won't be able to do that until you have solved your issue with being enmeshed with him. The enmeshment actually makes his disorder worse, and it prevents you from stepping firm. Let me make an analogy here: how can a mom teach a child to control their emotions when her own emotions are affected by the child's? She can't. That's exactly what happens with my wife. She can't deal with your 2-year-old, but with me everything goes well. So before he learns to stop taking it out on you and the kids, you'll have to learn how to be well on your own, regardless of his mood.
We are EXTREMELY emeshed with one another- I don't do anything for myself.
...
I definitely feel all of his emotions and am significantly impacted by his moods. They have a direct impact on mine so we are both just stuck like this and nothing is changing not even for a moment.
Please seek your own treatment. In my case, audible self-help books worked, but usually a human therapist is needed to heal your wounds that lead to your adult attachment issues, childhood emotional neglect, etc.
