Have just read s.w.o.e.

[have gone nc]

Well i have just finished reading s.w.o.e. tonight and i have to say it didnt really help me much? I have heard a lot from people saying it really helped understand but maybe i missed something?

Most of what i read was about how to deal with certain "problems" that arise, and the answer was usually to answer in a different way or to think about how you answer.

My personal opinion of this is that the way i communicate, react and answer questions in normal conversations is what makes my "personality" as it does with everyone, and surely if i was to be thinking about every single answer i had in my relationship wouldn't i have been "walking on eggshells?"

Im not saying this book is bad in any way shape or form as it does explain aspects of why pwBPD react to certain things which gives a better understanding of what must be going through there head. So i do recommend it.

But do i think if i read this book half way through our relationship that it would have lasted the distance, honestly i do not. No book has the power to change such a bad dynamic in my opinion.

If i had stayed for the long haul and thought about my reactions on a daily basis then wouldnt i have changed my personality totally to suit someone with a personality disorder? So at the end of it my exBPD would have been the same and i would have left a completely different person?

I left the relationship when i felt 1% of the person i was before the relationship started, which took 18 months. Slowly but surely i was beaten down in obvious ways, and also not so obvious ways until after i left, Until i was empty. I have been through tough times in life, and i always stay strong. And i have to confess this almost beat me... .almost... .

Someone i loved more than life made me feel my life wasnt worth living, and caused me a breakdown but i stood up and said to myself " its gonna take more than you to break me "

Im 5 months out now and im getting myself back, even my co-worker said that its nice to see the old me coming back at work, which gave me more incentive to work harder on my recovery because it must be working.

I read this book to get more closure on what seems like a never ending battle with my head and my heart, My head KNOWS i done the right thing by leaving as my exBPD was definitely not in any place to make any changes even though we got her diagnosed with BPD, but my heart definitely still loves this girl who i can never have the relationship i wanted with.

Unfortunately from what i have seen, my exBPD is one of the people who will not even try. After our break up it seems she has gone to another "enabler" and to knew people who she can totally reinvent her past and herself with to whatever she wants it to be. Clearly in denial even though we had her diagnosed. She obviously feels that its better to do this than work on herself to a better future. Im sure her "true" self is going to come out any time now which it has to a couple of people who have since left the situation, and im presuming when it all kicks off again she will move on from it and "re-invent" yet again?

Do i regret my experience... .not at all. I met the one person who will change my life forever which obviously was meant to come into my life to make me make the changes i needed.

From what i know of her new "enabler" he sounds like he needs someone to shake him up so he can sort himself out... .what better thing in life to come along and shake things up than a person with pwBPD!

[Lizzie]

I felt the same way when reading that book.  I liked it b/c it was informative and had a lot of tips that could be good for generally dealing with difficult people.  It is a lot like how to walk on eggshells, but for people that are staying it's important that they not make it worse for themselves.  Plus there are people in relationships they can't get out of, such as parents or family. 

The no closure thing is maddening. 

[2010]

Try to stay away from anecdotal evidence that's culled from forums and pieced together by non-professionals.  Many self-help books have an us vs. them feel that can be just as black and white as Borderline thinking. James Masterson is one of the few theorists who had expounded on Kohut and Winnicot's theories of the self- and he suggested that we all show bits and pieces of Borderline from time to time. Many of us have personalities that are like puzzle pieces that fit into each other because of early attachments. The books he's written on Borderline and Narcissism are priceless in deconstructing why the disorders occur and what we can and cannot do about it.

The Narcissistic and Borderline Disorders (can be bought used for under $15) www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-Borderline-Disorders-Integrated-Developmental/dp/0876302924

Search For The Real Self : Unmasking The Personality Disorders Of Our Age www.amazon.com/Search-Real-Self-Unmasking-Personality/dp/0029202922/ref=pd_sim_b_1