I have been asked for an update. My daughter has not progressed in a positive way at all. She was seeing a "specialist counselor" who was supposed to get her the final diagnosis and get her into DBT therapy. This has not gone as planned at all. She hasn't gathered enough information from our daughter to make the diagnosis yet. Partly because she has not been keeping her appointments regularly and second because my daughter was telling her surface stuff. Not getting into the real issues. So we have yet to get her officially diagnosed and get her help.
This is the most frustrating part of getting therapy. Lack of attendance and the superficial aspect of participation.
Do you attend sessions with her? Would she allow it? Our therapist was open to either and I usually attended up until my daughter was almost 18. At that point she attended with her soon to be live in boyfriend.
Have you made your daughter aware of the importance of attending therapy and tying it to a consequence/motivator? Like... .if you want us to continue to provide_____________it will be necessary for you to attend therapy on a regular basis.
She continues to self medicate every day with marijuana (we hope that is all). She is hanging around with the worst of the worst people.
Expressing concern for her (without judgement) is really all you can do Chrissy70. If she is bringing persons of questionable character to your home or bringing illegal items/substances into your home then you have the option of setting boundaries regarding these.
We have been treating her differently though and I don't know if it is helping or letting her get away with too much. She comes home most every night, so we are thankful for that. She pretty much is home to sleep and that is it.
While I understand that you are worried about her and what she is doing/not taking care of self by getting enough rest... .could you for your own well being take those hours when she is absent and use them to practice self care?
She looks like she is completely exhausted all the time she is home. Its almost impossible to get her out of bed in the morning for work. So far she hasn't missed any days, but I know its coming soon.
I know you have many many worries and concerns, it is helpful to self is we don't worry about a) what isn't happening b) what we can't do anything about. Easier said than done... .I know.
We are keeping the conflict down by not disagreeing with her. So, she always wins. Not the best plan, but for now she is keeping her rage down at home.
There is a specific skill taught here to tell someone something they don't want to hear in the most healthy/helpful/non damaging way:
S.E.TWhen we allow our adult children to make their own choices the follow up to that is to allow the natural consequences of their own choices to come to them. It is ok to offer support, advice when requested, and to validate their feelings... .rescuing from the natural consequences of their choices is usually not a good idea.
Just getting by right now trying to figure it out. Am I right by not telling her that we think she is BPD or discussing it with her? I feel like I am getting mixed signals on that. Some say don't label them others say they can feel relieved to know that there could be answers to the feelings they are feeling. So confused!
Yes, I think you are right by not telling her. That may best come from a trained professional who reaches that conclusion. Whether or not learning what their diagnoses is will be helpful or devastating is what the professional will need to determine before he/she makes the decision to tell the patient or not tell the patient.
Treatment need not be hindered by the absence of a diagnoses. Learning coping skills to deal with intense emotions doesn't require a diagnoses.
Hope my feedback helps you on your journey.
lbj
