Talked to legal aid today, still have questions...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I spoke with a lady today from legal aid. I was told it would be my lawyer, however, when I got the call it was someone who wanted the info about my case and could offer legal advice. She informed me that she would forward my info to the lawyers where they would decide if they could represent me or not. That was confusing.

While waiting on them to get back with me I am looking into other options. I posted in a comment on a previous thread that I now think my stb Uex may have ASPD rather than BPD or NPD. This being the case, what I have read states people with ASPD would rather settle out of court. My stb Uex has sent texts asking if we could settle out of court. I thought this was interesting as he is high conflict, but if he has ASPD this would make sense. 

Right now I am looking into writing a parental agreement. If I do this I will make sure if he agrees that it is signed by a judge so he has to abide by it. I plan to write one that includes everything present and future for D3. Anyone have any insight about a parental agreement? Also, should I wait until I offer the parental agreement before I bring up child support? As of now, it's been a month and he has given me 80 dollars. He has texted and told me to tell him if she needs anything, should I just go with that until the agreement? 

[NewLife15]

I spoke with a lady today from legal aid. I was told it would be my lawyer, however, when I got the call it was someone who wanted the info about my case and could offer legal advice. She informed me that she would forward my info to the lawyers where they would decide if they could represent me or not. That was confusing.

While waiting on them to get back with me I am looking into other options. I posted in a comment on a previous thread that I now think my stb Uex may have ASPD rather than BPD or NPD. This being the case, what I have read states people with ASPD would rather settle out of court. My stb Uex has sent texts asking if we could settle out of court. I thought this was interesting as he is high conflict, but if he has ASPD this would make sense. 

Right now I am looking into writing a parental agreement. If I do this I will make sure if he agrees that it is signed by a judge so he has to abide by it. I plan to write one that includes everything present and future for D3. Anyone have any insight about a parental agreement? Also, should I wait until I offer the parental agreement before I bring up child support? As of now, it's been a month and he has given me 80 dollars. He has texted and told me to tell him if she needs anything, should I just go with that until the agreement? 

[maxen]

I spoke with a lady today from legal aid. I was told it would be my lawyer, however, when I got the call it was someone who wanted the info about my case and could offer legal advice. She informed me that she would forward my info to the lawyers where they would decide if they could represent me or not. That was confusing.

i can't say for sure, but they may be looking for a pro-bono private lawyer to handle the case. legal aid lawyers' experience is not often with divorces or parenting agreements, more often with evictions and benefits claims.

[NewLife15]

Maxen, it would be great if that is the case! If not, In the meantime, I am doing all the research I can!

[maxen]

in my county the legal aid family practice is pretty well limited to DV:

www.legal-aid.org/en/civil/civilpractice.aspx

[ForeverDad]

ASPD... .the con men of the world.  Right?  Also frequently found in prisons, so I've heard.  I don't know if that means he would rather avoid court.  It might mean he's a slick operator and knows, or thinks he knows, how to manipulate you and others and skate just below the level of 'actionable' behaviors.  How does that sound?

I wouldn't worry too much about getting a diagnosis, often a label doesn't mean much (unless it's a murder trial), deal primarily with the behaviors and behavior history, that's what most courts and associated professionals do.  Understand too that he could be co-morbid, that is, he could have aspects of multiple disorders.  A PD can have about 9 or 10 traits, not everyone displays them all or to the same extent and not everyone is limited to just those traits.

Whatever you do, try to have as firm order as possible, one that keeps you in charge and not dependent on his approval.  If full custody isn't an option, then along with the joint custody try to get Decision-Making or Tie-Breaker status/authority.

Also, build into the agreement consequences, as in, if he does or doesn't do something then this is the consequence.  Leaving consequences undefined makes it harder or longer to get a firm decision from a judge when you end up back in court.  (Most of us keep returning to court over and over until a "less unreasonable" order is obtained.)

[NewLife15]

ASPD... .the con men of the world.  Right?  Also frequently found in prisons, so I've heard.  I don't know if that means he would rather avoid court.  It might mean he's a slick operator and knows, or thinks he knows, how to manipulate you and others and skate just below the level of 'actionable' behaviors.  How does that sound?

Absolutely! When reading about BPD and NPD I kept wondering where his excessive lying and stealing fit in... .I assumed maybe he didn't want to go to court due to having to deal with authority-he DESPISES authority of any kind! I do not plan to bring up anything about the disorder and do what you recommended about just pointing out the behavior pattern.