Alternative schools vs. homeschooling

[Parents! Get help here!]

We have IEP meeting next week to discuss options about our 15 yr. old daughter's future education options.  High school full time was a nightmare, so we started homeschooling, but she chooses to sleep all day and is up all night.  Self-discipline, motivation, avoidance, her concentration, etc., I don't know if homeschooling is best for her/us.  Our family therapist is coming with us for IEP meeting next Tuesday to help advocate for her/us.  They suggest I write up a summary of all the things we have tried and exhausted over the past, but I am having trouble organizing my thoughts.  I guess a part of me is avoiding too.  I am so frustrated and exhausted.  Has anyone else tried alternative schooling or on-line schooling.  Our daughter also has ADHD but not on meds for it, dr. won't prescribe because of her suicidal attempts, etc.

[cleanandsober]

We have IEP meeting next week to discuss options about our 15 yr. old daughter's future education options.  High school full time was a nightmare, so we started homeschooling, but she chooses to sleep all day and is up all night.  Self-discipline, motivation, avoidance, her concentration, etc., I don't know if homeschooling is best for her/us.  Our family therapist is coming with us for IEP meeting next Tuesday to help advocate for her/us.  They suggest I write up a summary of all the things we have tried and exhausted over the past, but I am having trouble organizing my thoughts.  I guess a part of me is avoiding too.  I am so frustrated and exhausted.  Has anyone else tried alternative schooling or on-line schooling.  Our daughter also has ADHD but not on meds for it, dr. won't prescribe because of her suicidal attempts, etc.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Greetings to you cleanandsober,

My d did online public school to finish out the 8th grade after a 10 month stay in RTC.  I seriously doubt it would have gone well had we tried it before RTC.    The academic aspects were great, the social... .  not so much.  We made sure she had plans on the weekends and Wednesday night youth group to keep her connected to peers.  We had started her on a homeopathic  oral liquid called Synaptol for add (No "hd" though it is designed to address both, to help her w/concentration.  She still takes it.  One reason we chose online public was because we didn't want to throw her out there too much too soon, she had lots of therapy appointments that would have been a logistical nightmare and add too much stress to her.

Today she is full time in the high school of her choice and doing fine.

[tiredmommy2]

BPDd16 is currently in a RTF, but since they are talking about discharge, this topic has come up.  School was a nightmare, and because of her personality traits and habits (lack of motivation, lack of ability to organize, wanting to stay up all night and sleep all day, stubborn, argumentative), I couldn't figure out what to do.  Online schooling wouldn't work for her because of all of the above, and I know that if I were to try to keep her on track, there would be constant conflict and power struggles in my home... .  What I ultimately decided was to let her pursue a GED - not exactly what I had in mind for her, but in our case it seems to be the best option.

In school there are quite a few options that can be worked into an IEP... .  While BPDd was in school, she had a safe place to go for time outs when she was on the verge of having a meltdown, extended time during class to complete assignments, something called emotional support, where she was taken for part of the day into another classroom with a few other troubled kids and given individualized attention, and eventually she had 1:1 supervision... .  I'm not familiar with your situation so I don't know if I'm grasping at straws or listing things that have already been tried, but hopefully you'll find something helpful here.

Are you leaning towards anything in particular for your daughter?

Are their actual alternative schools in your area?

As an aside, I completely get the fact that you're having difficulty organizing your thoughts... .  I also got to a point where I couldn't think clearly, and it was due to suffering from complete and total burn out.   

[griz]

Dear cleanandsober:  We also had been advised by DD's school to consider alternative schooling.  I was advised by a friend who is a special education teacher to not agree to anything unless we go and see the schools.  I was glad she gave me this advice.  I went to see two school and both were so dysfunctional I knew it would only add to DD's issues.  Many of the kids who were there were there because they were problems in their home school and most of them were serious behavior issues and drug related issues.  I actually even spoke to another parent who had a son who tried one of the schools and she pulled him out because she felt that the bus ride to and from school was a breading ground for more issues.  She felt that on the bus the kids were free to share and talk and he learned new ways to get himself into trouble so she pulled him out.

My dh and I petitioned our school for home tutoring.  We were able to get DD's P and T to write letters saying that DD is unable to attend school because of her severe anxiety which makes her homebound.  We did not home school, we had the school supply tutors for each subject and we set up a schedule.  DD was entitled to 2 hours a week per subject and I spaced them out so that she would have one tutor each day with one day having two tutors.  Having the tutors come she had no choice but to get up and do her work and she was responsible for doing homework when they came back the following work.  The down side to this was of course the social aspect but I tried to get her involved in other outside activities so she would have some social contact.  The social part was very hard because she felt so isolated however it was better than what we were going through trying to get her to school and stay there each day.  When I think back to it I realize that the socialization she was getting a school was not good anyway.  What did she have?  Kids who made fun of her, feeling like a failure and an outcast and the kids that accepted her were not the ones who I would have wanted her to be with.

Maybe you can see if your school would give you home tutoring. And keep in mind that the social worker, guidance counselor and or principal are not the end of the line.  You can contact your school board president.  Remember every child is entitled to an education that fits their needs.  THAT IS THE LAW.

Griz

[tiredmommy2]

The social part was very hard because she felt so isolated however it was better than what we were going through trying to get her to school and stay there each day.  When I think back to it I realize that the socialization she was getting a school was not good anyway.  What did she have?  Kids who made fun of her, feeling like a failure and an outcast and the kids that accepted her were not the ones who I would have wanted her to be with.

Really good points, griz. This is exactly what happened to my daughter while she was school - she was picked on by many, then the ones who accepted her were these depressive, semi-suicidal kids, many who used drugs - not exactly a good influence.

Remember every child is entitled to an education that fits their needs.  THAT IS THE LAW.

This is the bottom line.

[eac]

Hello.  My 15dd (15 today!) did not finish 7th or 8th grade (hospitalizations) and didn't make it more than 3 days for the start of 9th grade this year.  She is now in the severely emotionally impaired (SEI) room.  Sounds a little like tiredmommy's set up.  She started in the room and went to 2 out of 6 classes.  The rest she worked on in the SEI room.  Now she is up to 4 classes and it is going very well.  There is a full time social worker in the room as well as a teacher who is in charge of her education.  This has made all the difference.  She just can't handle the pressure of school and the social interaction.   Our home life has improved so much since she doesn't bring the stress of school home anymore.  When she is having a bad day or becomes upset she goes to the SEI room and they help her through it.  She is your district has this.  If not, they may have an agreement with a neighboring school district for their EI students to go there.

As a high school teacher myself, I can't not say how strongly I disagree with the alternate school choice.  This is a place that is populated by trouble kids who do troubled things.  This is not the place for any BPD child. You need a structured, controlled, supporting program.

Review your post I would also recommend you really push the safety issue.  They must provide her an environment where she can learn AND be safe. Do not be embarrassed to push for what you need and deserve. You should not have to hide her at home and hope for the best.  Good luck!

[lbjnltx]

Here are some options that are available in my d's school district... .  and we live in the sticks  

ISS... In school suspension.  A room where they do all class work and have 1-2 teachers that help them. 

Though this option is really a "punishment" for kids with  minor infractions my d actually liked it and was able to catch up on all her work.

OCC... .  Off campus classes.  This is the small building across the street from the school for kids who could not behave in the school's general population.  Never had any experience with it personally.  It sounds like the "alternative school" that big city schools have.

Therapeutic Day School.  A private school run by a mental health group (about an hour from us).  The public school systems pay the fee and provide the transportation as a less costly alternative to RTC.

Hope you can find help soon.

lbj

[cleanandsober]

Thank you everyone for your input... .  I will take these ideas to our meeting next week.  Now that I have read comments about alternative schooling I feel hesitant to ask for it... .  the problem is our daughter is totally freaked out at the high school (it is huge) and has social issues with all of the "preps".  She has been in special ed. since Kindergarten, but since starting high school things have gotten more difficult.  She has been receiving special help in a smaller classroom setting but the problem is her anxiety in the hallways, lunch, etc.  Her attendance is so bad they threatened truancy and JIPS petitions, etc.  She has been in "shelter care" several times which just escalates her anxiety.  We are damned if we do, and damned if we don't!

[twojaybirds]

as a special ed teacher and mom of an 18dd this is what I know

my dd finished her last semester of high school via on-line/nova net that is offered/monitored at the school but can be done by any computer anywhere

we have a "school" throughout the city in different venues for kiddos who cannot go to traditional schools - kids on probation on drugs living on the streets - etc.  The teachers work hard to schedule around them  knowing they wont be the 8 - 3 kiddo -some show just one or two days a week or for an hour or two a day  HOWEVER they still have to complete their work to graduate.


Homeschooling ( I think) is difficult with our kiddos.  We've a hard enough time being their parents alone yet their parents and teachers unless there are home school groups they can be part of

Also kids with IEP are entitled to a public education through the age of 21 so get out of your head that high school is only 4 years.  Perhaps taking one or two classes (even if on line) just to keep her connected with learning is also an option

I would make sure your dd is at the IEP meeting... .  lay out the options to her and let her decide how she wants to proceed. At the end of the IEP meeting the start date is decided.  Ask for the start date to be in one week, allowing your dd to change her mind and you can recall the meeting and make changes before the IEP is locked and implemented.  This is actually considered best practice as well

Ultimately we can set up anything but if our kiddos doesn't follow through on their part none of our efforts matter.

[cleanandsober]

I would make sure your dd is at the IEP meeting... .  lay out the options to her and let her decide how she wants to proceed. At the end of the IEP meeting the start date is decided.  Ask for the start date to be in one week, allowing your dd to change her mind and you can recall the meeting and make changes before the IEP is locked and implemented.  This is actually considered best practice as well

Ultimately we can set up anything but if our kiddos doesn't follow through on their part none of our efforts matter.

Dear twojaybirds:  We had our daughter at the last IEP meeting in November and it was a total nightmare.  The special ed coordinator and my daughter went back and forth for almost two hours and everyone else in the room (our family SW and counselors) were just spectators.  I actually tried talking and was interrupted and told to "wait a minute" by the special ed coordinator.  At this meeting next week, we are having our family SW, w/o our daughter, (their suggestion).  I have such trouble advocating for my daughter because I feel guilty about her poor attendance and when they bring up truancy I "shut down" with shame.  My therapist, who will also be there, told me to write a letter and bring it with me explaining all of the things we have tried and exhausted with our daughter.   

[griz]

cleanandsober:  Don't you for one moment allow anyone to make you feel guilty about her truancy.  I am sure, like most of our children, deep inside they would love nothing more than to be like "everyone else" and get up and go to school, participate, have fun and enjoy high school.  The outside advocate always had me right on a index card the words, "MY DAUGHTER DOES NOT CHOOSE TO BE THIS WAY".  She made me keep it in front of me and repeat it everytime anyone would try to pass blame on either DD or myself.  I think you T has a great idea of having a list, but I would also have a list of ideas that you think might be helpful. 

I did not have my daughter attend IEP meetings because for her it was shameful.  I did have her give me suggestions that she would think might help and I brought those with me.  She attended the first one and she had a major setback that night, telling me she felt embarassed and judged (the reality was that she wasn't judged at all but that was her reality).  She did attend her exit meeting and I asked her what teachers she would feel comfortable having there.  She chose two teachers both of whom were always supportive of her and it helped her to see some of her successes. 

Also, you are entitled to have another parent member at your meetings.  Is there anyone you know that you could bring that could help you advocate?

Griz

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

The schools' main concern regarding my daughter is educating her.  I thank them for their concern regarding her education.  I also tell them that my daughter has many aspects of her life that need to be taken into consideration in addition to her education.  I try to leave them with this thought:  All aspects of her life affect other aspects of her life, including her education.

[almostvegan]

My 16 dd is homeschooled bc she couldn't handle traditional settings. It's an online high school.

We were first recommended to send to a therapeutic school but her team of doctors told us not to even consider it bc she is so easily influenced she would pick up on all the other negative habits the other students had. It's hard motivating her to do her work. She's always " tired or can't concentrate"

Many times I've considered demanding home instruction from our district but the thought of pushing through the burocratic tape is exhausting.  Im sure wed get it as her doctor already wrote a letter saying she cant be in school. We've hired a math and science tutor and if she doesn't graduate on time that's the way it'll be. There's only so much fighting you can do.

I never thought to bring her to the iep meeting. I felt that it wasn't her place to be there and her hearing about her condition might make things worse for us at home. She's never been told her dx.

All said, it's way more peaceful at home science we've taken her out of school. She even tries to be nice and goes out of her way for us. There's no shouting in the morning to get up, no mid day calls to come get her, no calls from principal saying she's being suspended again. Her work is all online and there's no pressure. It's much better for HER.

I wish you the best and send you strength in making this decision.

AV

[sisterandmom]

My daughter was bullied out of the public school in our district. The first charter school she went to was a dream come true; however, they had high grade standards and with missing school so much we had to withdraw her. She is now in another charter school, 4 hours a day, 4 days a week with some work to be completed on-line. She is flunking here too, but I think she understands that art school may not happen unless she starts doing better. I am not homeschooling her. I drew the line there.

[Elfie]

I think it really does depend on your own specific situation, but I figured I'd thrown in my 2 cents even though our situation is probably different than most. My uBPD brother was homeschooled from age 3-15. He then begged to be allowed to go to the local high school so he could be with more people. Sending him off to the highschool was, in hindsight, a mistake (my parents will admit) - it was there that he really started to get into the substance abuse/self harm/problems full swing, he made a lot of poor choices in friends, and he always had some big problem with one teacher or another (or they had one with him), even though he is very intelligent and was fully capable of making straight A's. I think my parents finally pulled him out after two years after he got arrested and into other trouble. He was a difficult child before, but going off to the highschool just opened up a whole 'nother can of worms.

I think a charter school would've been a better option for him, and something like that could be a good compromise between homeschooling and the public school in your case.