Thoughts and prayers for 26th/27th please

[oglobaith]

Just want to ask that you good folk pray for us Monday and Tuesday as we are in court for the final decision as to where our gd6 will reside. Our residence has been her home for the past 2 and quarter years but her mum is demanding she live with her in her chaotic lifestyle.  Gd has written to the judge asking to stay with us, but dduBPD pulled the wool over the psychologists eyes during the 3hr interview and her report suggests that there's nothing wrong with dd (!). So it's by no means certain that gd will get her wish and that she won't be ordered to live with her mother who she has said she is fearful of and can't trust. She has so much to lose if the court rules that way - 3yrs friendships in an excellant school, 18months membership of a local gym club, membership of school drama club, all relationships with extended family (as dd has no contact with anyone in the family except us), church friends (dd has said she's a muslim although doesn't attend mosque), the stability of knowing she won't be 'lifted' to a foreign country with someone she doesn't know (as has happened twice before), the safety of a home with no domestic violence issues, a home in a decent quiet district with lots of outdoor opportunities, planty of craft and music exposure and a lovely little pet sheltie (among other things).  We have already paid £8000 in legal fees and are likely to have to pay another couple of thousand at least as well as enduring abuse and hatred from our dd in the last few days as she has turned on us again.  Please pray.  Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lostchild]

Hi,

My heart goes out to you and my prayers to God.  I will pray for you and yours.  Such a destructive thing mental illness is. 

Wish you the best... .

 

lostchild

[lbjnltx]

Dearest oglobaith,

I shall lift you and your family up to our Father God for shelter, comfort, protection and healing.  I will pray that your gd's tender spirit is hidden deep in the cleft of the Rock and sheltered from harm.

Please rest in His love and grace. 

Come back and share more with us on how to help.

 

lbj

[qcarolr]

oglobaith - I will hold you up to God that he can give you all the courage and strength you will need. And that he will keep the judge open to His guidance.

Such a long journey it has been to get to this day - I cannot put myself in your place exactly and am grateful I did not have to go through what you are when we got custody of our gd7 when she was an infant. So puzzling how our girls' minds play tricks that what they do is the 'best' for any child.

qcr

[cfh]

Oglobaith

I have a gs6 so I can only imagine the fear you have at this very moment.  I will send all positive wishes your way and talk to my loved ones who are no longer with us to give you the outcome you hope for.  May you be blessed with good fortune.

[griz]

I will keep you in my prayers.  This must be so hard for you right now. I will pray that God gives you the strength to get through this and for the out come your G deserves.

Griz

[LearningToAccept]

Dear oglobaith:

Sending prayers of peace and strength your way. May the God of your understanding touch the hearts and minds of everyone involved in this situation. Love to you and dear gd.

Natalie

[Being Mindful]

Dear Oglobaith, I join the others here praying for protection for your gd.

[YellowHat]

I have said a prayer for you   

[momontherun]

Praying for you and your family   

[peaceplease]

oglobaith,

You are in my thoughts and prayers.     



peaceplease

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[vivekananda]

I am praying for you. Praying for strength and courage for you. Praying for wisdom to the courts. Praying for peace for your gd. Praying for love for your dd.

Vivek  

[Esperança_Hope]

My heart goes out to you and my prayers to God.  I will pray for you and yours.

I´ll do as St Augustine teaches ". When you pray to God in psalms and hymns, think over in your hearts the words that come from your lips"

     

Esperança

[qcarolr]

oglobaith - keeping you and your gd in my thoughts and prayers today fo the best outcome possible. Clarity for the judge. A calmness in your heart and mind. Will your D be there in person to speak on her own behalf or is this a lawyer presentation of evidence?

qcr   

[lbjnltx]

Dear Oglobaith,

Let us know how you are doing and what the outcome of the hearings were/are.

Thinking of you and still praying     

lbj

[Esperança_Hope]

Oglobaith,

What´s up?



Thinking of you. You´re in my prayers for sure.

Esperança

[EmmaB]

you are in my thoughts   

[oglobaith]

Thanks so much all of you for your support.  Sadly things did not progress as we had hoped. The Family Court system here in the UK is in a shambles and we are caught up in the middle. Despite our granddaughter writing a letter tot he judge under the supervision of the head teacher at her school, and our character references (these were both ignored), the lies and false front that our daughter projected have been believed and our granddaughter was suddenly removed from our care on the 13th Dec and placed with her mother. What's more, the 'Guardian' who is supposed to be speaking on behalf of the child, enforced a ban on us seeing her or communicating with her, save for a card once a week through the solicitor, until the next hearing on the 30th Jan,  We were reeling and couldn't believe it. Not only have we been taken from her, but her whole life of the past two and half years - school, friends, dog, extended family, church, gym club, neighbours - everything. She is not allowed to visit our home (even over Christmas) and all this is meant to be in her interest!  She is not in school as the nearest schools have no place so our daughter is having to appeal. There is much more. Even our daughter objected and asked if she could come with the children to stay at ours over Christmas but was told no. We have been the only people consistantly supporting her (when she allows us) throughout her life and now we are not permitted to even do that.  We have had to seek out a more experienced solicitor and have had to take a loan spread over 5 yrs (at 56 not good) to pay for the next stage, when we will be asking for immediate resumption of contact, a prohibition on our daughter taking our gd abroad to live (she has twice gone to Pakistan and needed our help to come home), and also parental rights which will oblige her to involve us in decisions about the child. Our d texts most days and says everything's more or less ok, but we have no idea how all this has affected our gd till we see her again after the 30th.  Needless to say we are horrified and apalled. We're paying for strength to carry on this battle as there's no-one else able to stand up for our gd and we can't let her and her little brother down.

[lbjnltx]

Oh dear Oglobaith,

I am so very sorry to hear that this has happened.

All the splitting and villafying by your d has caused the courts to keep her children from you... horrible and heartbreaking.

Your spirit must be struggling to hope. :'(

It is good that you get updates on the children daily. 

Stay strong ... .  you will need your strength to continue on with the fight for your grandchildren.

 

lbj

[qcarolr]

oglobaith    I am so forlorn with you that the mother was believed in spite of all the other evidence. And for the strict limits on contact. Perhaps they think this will help your gd adjust - this was done with my gs after his adoption, though this was a very different situation.

I will pray that the love and support you gave your gd during her time with you will give her strength during this rough time, and she will come out OK. I am glad that your D seems to be getting some awareness of the harm she has caused to her little girl - am I right at all in this assumption?

We cannot know what good can come from such a bad situation. Yet I have experienced this in my life - and during the bad times cried and moaned and mourned my losses. So hard to find that glimmer of hope. I hope you can find your way here.

Please come back as often as you can to let us know how you are doing. Take care of yourselves, you and your dh.

qcr  

[Survive2012]

Oglobaith,

My thoughts go to you and all your family.

I hope soon your gd will be allowed to see you. The most cruel part of this being she cannot even talk to you.

Children can be very strong. I hope she can find strenght from the love and support you gave her over the last three years.

Survive2012

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Aussie mumma]

Oglobaith

Thinking of you at this tough time... hope you have a good outcome for you & your gd...

It grates that pwBPD can come across as being very well adjusted... intelligent... caring people... to others... but with family they can be the complete opposite.  will pray for you   

[almostvegan]

I will send good thoughts. I hope the outcome is one that will be peaceful for your family.

AV

[vivekananda]

there is more grief for you to cope with now this decision has been made.

I am sending you strength to stay on the right path for yourselves.

Cheers,

Vivek    

[oglobaith]

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and understanding.  We returned to court last Wednesday, after raising a £20000 loan to cover all this litigation.  We changed our legal team to engage the best, and followed their advice to seek as much contact as possible. We had many friends at home praying that God would blow away those who were opposed to us having contact with our grandchildren.

The Cafcass 'Guardian' who has been so taken in by our daughter, hasn't listened to our granddaughter whom she was meant to be representing, has cast us in such a negative and controlling light and who made such a traumatizing decision for our granddaughter in December was engaged in another case and so was only available by telephone.

The Barrister representing the Guardian was a different person to the Barrister who represented her in December, and was far more reasonable.

The Barrister representing our daughter in December was not present but her solicitor who has been involved with her since 2009 (re. a contact application for the birth father) and knows rather more about her relationship problems was.

Our Barrister was exceptionally caring and efficient, and was able to press for twice weekly contact which was achieved  

She had hoped to press for the prohibition on our daughter taking the children abroad again to continue and maybe to hope for parental responsibility on our behalf but the Judge was so dismissive and unsympathetic that she was unable to impact him with the need to proceed with this.  

We are grateful that we were discharged from the proceedings with an order that our dd makes the children available every Wed between 4pm and 7pm and every Saturday between 9 and 6, and one Friday night sleepover in three.

At the request of our dd (yes this young lady that has told the court how awful, nasty, incompetent and controlling we are), we met that eve - the restaurant was packed and we felt like VIPs as two little people ran in and shouted 'Nanna, Grandpa' flinging themselves on us.  Our granddaughter pleaded to stay the night with us and dd.s new bf put pressure on her to allow it (little does he know what's coming to him - he is probably only looking for immigration help anyway which they all seem to be).

We are now in the position where our granddaughter is disclosing to us the vindictive and cruel way that her mother is treating her, and we can do absolutely nothing about it.  She poured her heart out half the night on Wed, and on Saturday night she cried and cried and refused to go home, writing her feelings on paper, expressing hatred of the judge, until I managed to impress on her that if she didn't go back to mummy, mummy may not let her come over again.  It was awful. When we got back she managed to contain herself and I persuaded dd to let me put her to bed - although her little brother had run in and told mummy that his sister didn't want to come back.

She has missed four weeks of schooling and I managed to help dd to fill in the school admissions appeal form to appeal for a place local to her home.  It's heartbreaking as my dh goes into the local school here where she spent 2 happy years and which is an outstanding school to take assemblies, and this morning he was asked by the Head, 2 schoolteachers and a classroom assistant who all love gd, how she is doing.  Apparently the children in her class have reserved her seat at the table and are all missing her.

I am grateful that I have been able to get her a place in her gymnastics club for a Saturday morning, and we have arranged for her to meet up with school friends in two weeks time.

I now have to 'over-validate' mum all the time to keep her sweet and hope and pray that she'll stay where she is.

Sorry for such an essay, but so much has happened.  We are relieved to be back in touch, though the challenges mean that we can't go away weekends, I have to limit my availability for work and voluntary organizations with which I am involved and we now have a loan to pay off.

All worth it if we can put positive up building relationships into the children's lives.

[qcarolr]

oglobaith - This is such a wonderful step forward for your gd and gs. You will love them and validate them and they are able to fully reciprocate with their love for you. What a great place for them to have an open listener to share all those yuckiy feelings and learn better coping skills for living with their parents. Sounds like you have already put in place some great opportunities for them in the coming weeks.

And it does take so very much of our energy and focus to accomplish this high level of involvment. And oh, the validation needed with the BPDD. I confront this in my life daily - well except those 2 or so days a week my DD26 chooses to stay out, then she sleeps all the next day. I so enjoy that break - and so does gd. We can let our guard down a little - not having to think and filter every comment we make. It is sad in some ways that gd7 has to live in this way. Yet, she is learning so many skills that help her with other relationships in her life.

It is all a balance - and when we are able to be present in the current day things can be good for us.

Please please find ways to nuture yourself. With the most fulfilling activities, time focused on your dh, time focused on just you. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers - your DD too that she may respond to validation in positive behaviors over time with her kids.

qcr  

[vivekananda]

oglobaith, I only just returned to find your good news. I am pleased for you that you have contact now with the little ones.

you mentioned that you had to 'over validate' with your dd now. I understand what you mean but I would like to suggest that you work on being 'kind' and 'gentle' when you do, remember that so much of what we communicate is through our tone and body language. You need to have that 'acceptance' thing happening to be able to be open hearted with your dd so your words of validation don't get lost.

Cheers,

Vivek