Dealing with the destruction?

[hurtmomma]

My daughter, we believe strongly has BPD.  She had disowned us at least 4 times in the past year.  All due to next to nothing or nothing at all.  She perceives something said or done as bad and she exaggerates and just plain lies to family and friends about what we did or said. . . this has affected us.  My own father did not talk to me or have anything to do with me for months.  Now again he is not answering the phone when I call.  She has been involved with my father disowning me on 3 occasions over the past 4 years (one time the relationship was bad for 3 years). 

My husband wants to just end it with her.  Totally disown her.  I am frustrated.  I see how she is affecting the whole family.  She acts very strange around my grandchildren and scares my granddaughter.  She is overly rough and wants them to only pay attention to her.  She must be the center of all attention! 

She is being destructive of her own life.  she was to travel overseas and teach English as a second language.  I was so relieved, because when she is there she treats me much better!  But now her new boyfriend is trying to talk her out of it. . . She is doing and saying things that may make that opportunity be destroyed. 

Heaven help me . . . I still care for her. . . but she is really putting a strain on everyone.  My husband doesn't want my other daughter around because he is afraid she will become hurtful like the one with BPD.  I don't know what to do.  HElp?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Eclaire5]

I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time. The triangulation that individuals with BPD create is amazing. They know exactly what to do to put other people against each other, and sadly that's what your daughter has done with you and your father. My advise would be to get as much information as you can about the disorder (Walking on Egg Shells really helped me) and to see a therapist yourself (that was a life saver for me). You should also put some distance between you and your dd, not by breaking the relationship completely, but by setting very clear boundaries and to not react when she is trying to push your buttons. Good luck and take care of yourself.

[Being Mindful]

Dear Hurtmomma,

A warm welcome to you here on the parent's board. I'm glad you found us. You will find a ton of information and advice from others who know and understand exactly what you are going thru. Keep coming back and join in on the discussions.

Dear Eclaire,

Excellent advice and welcome to you too! I'm glad you are here.

Being Mindful

[Survive2012]

Dear Hurtmomma,

How sad when we have to argue over things that do not even exist! Unfortunately, the BPDs seem to be very smart people and they know very well our weak points. When they are angry at us, they use these weaknesses to hur. And they really succeed!

I think the advice Eclaire5 gave you is very good. Maybe, I would also talk to your dad and explain that, due to the disorder tour d has, sometimes, what she says is not exactly true. I woul do this, however, only if your relationship with your dad is good.

Try to take some time for tourself, doing things you like.

Have a good evening!

Survive

[Eclaire5]

Thank you Mindful! It is great to be here and share with others the pain we go through while at the same time giving each other encouragement.