Pendente Lite decision: Was this a blessing or not?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Matt's point was that you're not to help her make her case.  You mention the aspects that benefit you, such as her degree, it's up to her to mention whatever things benefit her.  Maybe you can settle or if need be, the judge will decide.  Just know that the judicial system will be sure to protect her rights very well, perhaps too well, so while you don't want to rip her off, so to speak, you don't have to be overly fair, overly nice or overly whatever, otherwise you will be sabotaging yourself.  Of course, by now you know all about that.

Yes, exactly.

And if you hear your lawyer making her case for her - which, in my limited experience, I have found is way too common - tell him to stop.  "It's her lawyer's job to make her case.  I am paying you to make my case.  So tell me about that - what will you say when this subject (stbXw's ability to make a living) comes up?"

[Matt]

Matt's point was that you're not to help her make her case.  You mention the aspects that benefit you, such as her degree, it's up to her to mention whatever things benefit her.  Maybe you can settle or if need be, the judge will decide.  Just know that the judicial system will be sure to protect her rights very well, perhaps too well, so while you don't want to rip her off, so to speak, you don't have to be overly fair, overly nice or overly whatever, otherwise you will be sabotaging yourself.  Of course, by now you know all about that.

Yes, exactly.

And if you hear your lawyer making her case for her - which, in my limited experience, I have found is way too common - tell him to stop.  "It's her lawyer's job to make her case.  I am paying you to make my case.  So tell me about that - what will you say when this subject (stbXw's ability to make a living) comes up?"

[Forestaken]

My L has stated in the past that:

1) She is capable of working with her degree (communication science) in Spanish

2) She has a sizable inheritance that she can live off of.

3) She could go back home and live comfortably without any help from me.

However, He knows her type. In which, she could cost me thousands of dollars in legal fees as she borrows from family (sibings with similiar inheritance) and keeps this tied up in court forever.

We will be going after her inheritance to protect my retirement.  Since this was a 23+ year marriage I anticipate I would be paying alimony for a significant time.

On the other hand, I thinking that she will settle for a lump sum to protect her inheritance, take the $$ and go back to her home country to start her own business. So far, my L has done well by me so I can't complain to much, I believe her new L is more reasonable and willing to work for a compromise.  But my S2bx has too many negative advocates stirring the pot, so to speak.

[stuckinbetween]

Good for you, Forestaken,

This gives me hope that there is fairness and justice somewhere in the universe!

Stuckinbetween

[ForeverDad]

Her inheritance could be a factor.  If she never "comingled" her inheritance with the family/joint accounts then it would probably be hers to keep.  But even so, the fact that she has substantial outside assets could reduce the risk of you paying her alimony or a higher alimony since it ought to be viewed as her financial resource for support.  Not sure how much that would count in court decisions, but it surely ought to have a huge impact in negotiations if a settlement can be reached.

[Matt]

Where I live, the money issues are treated pretty much according to established guidelines.  There are even worksheets you can get online, to figure out what the court will probably do.

For "division of assets", the formula is all the assets you both have now, minus the assets each of you brought into the marriage.  And the same thing for debts.  And inheritance doesn't count - it belongs entirely to the person who inherited it.

It may be helpful to work through that math - get all the information, and if the other side doesn't provide some information, you can get the court to order that they provide it - and find a worksheet - your lawyer should have that - or make a simple spreadsheet adding up all the current assets and debts, all the assets and debts you brought into the marriage, and all the assets and debts the other party brought into the marriage.  Then do the math and divide by two.

If there are assets you can't split - like a house - you need to propose a solution that is approximately equal.  For example, one party gets the house but pays the other party an amount equal to half the equity.

For alimony, the way it works in my state is that if one party has a higher income, the court looks at whether the lower-income party needs temporary help - usually a few years - to establish self-sufficiency.  For example, the court might say, "You have to pay her $X a month for two years so she can finish her degree and get a professional job." or "You have to pay her $X a month for one year so she can find a job and make a good income."  In some other states, it can be longer - even forever.  Find out the guidelines in your state.

[Forestaken]

No court date in sight since Oct 5th.

Her new L is having trouble with her old L (recommended by her sister HAHA)

My L has requested her L send a settlement offer. Which we will reject (L said) and negotiate better terms.  Is this common? No testimony on abuse? No counter accusations? Just L's shuffling offers back and forth?

[Matt]

If there are no kids involved, it's probably just a matter of doing the math.

Assets and debts will be split according to your state's guidelines.  Usually that means you look only at assets and debts accumulated during the marriage, and split it 50/50.

Alimony is also based on your state's guidelines, which both lawyers should know.  You can probably find them online.

There is no "fault", so accusations are usually just ignored.  It doesn't matter who said what to who, or who should have tried harder.  It's just math and negotiations.

Don't let your lawyer drag this out.  File a motion to have a trial date established.  That will put a clear end point to the process.  Then if negotiations work, great, the trial can be cancelled.  But if one party has BPD or something similar, they probably won't bargain in good faith til the trial is close.

[Forestaken]

Settlement conference next week.  Meeting with my L just prior.