got a real L

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was using a legal clinic/paralegal... but was advised to get an attorney.

so I did.

Here's what happened.

I discovered that the support settlement HUSBAND and his lawyer offered to me was less than HALF of what I may be entitled to. Can't say I was surprised. They expected I was gullible enough to take their word for it, but I realized when I couldn't get a straight answer on what the support guidelines were-that I needed my own representation.

My lawyer is asking for temp support, 12 months further support- comps for me retiring early and moving to marry my H.

Oh and legal fees.

H is NOT permitted to sell his house-although he's signed the final docs... escrow has not closed yet. Can't imagine why his lawyer felt that would be overlooked in court. They will be smacked for that shady move.

I feel very secure and justified in letting my lawyer ask for more. I knew I was getting shafted, and hurried into something I didn't want to agree to. I was not comfortable at all making a decision only 3 weeks out of the home and the r/s.

It's been 7 weeks now. I feel better.

Got a job lined up (retail supervisor) and should have a pay rate offered and a schedule to start next week.

I am also planning on going to school PT and becoming a paralegal.      Already applied to FAFSA.

GL

[gina louise]

I was using a legal clinic/paralegal... but was advised to get an attorney.

so I did.

Here's what happened.

I discovered that the support settlement HUSBAND and his lawyer offered to me was less than HALF of what I may be entitled to. Can't say I was surprised. They expected I was gullible enough to take their word for it, but I realized when I couldn't get a straight answer on what the support guidelines were-that I needed my own representation.

My lawyer is asking for temp support, 12 months further support- comps for me retiring early and moving to marry my H.

Oh and legal fees.

H is NOT permitted to sell his house-although he's signed the final docs... escrow has not closed yet. Can't imagine why his lawyer felt that would be overlooked in court. They will be smacked for that shady move.

I feel very secure and justified in letting my lawyer ask for more. I knew I was getting shafted, and hurried into something I didn't want to agree to. I was not comfortable at all making a decision only 3 weeks out of the home and the r/s.

It's been 7 weeks now. I feel better.

Got a job lined up (retail supervisor) and should have a pay rate offered and a schedule to start next week.

I am also planning on going to school PT and becoming a paralegal.      Already applied to FAFSA.

GL

[elm911]

Dear Gina,

Hi and Happy New Year to you!  You seem to be off to a good start- Good for you!  I am so glad for you that you now have the opportunity to move forward in a positive manner that will provide stability and security for you.  Best wishes on your new employment opportunity.  I truly hope everything works out well for you!  Keep posting and let us know how things are progressing for you as I am sure you have many supporters here!

elm911

[gina louise]

TY Elm911 and Happy 2013 to you too!

I am relieved, optimistic and looking forward to the new year.

I must admit I had some sleepless moments wondering what tactics HUSBAND will deploy once he realizes I am not going to roll over and play dead. Money means everything to him-and he will not take kindly to paying more.

Thank god I hadn't agreed to anything yet. his lawyer certainly tried to coerce me. it was not cool.

GL

[Surnia]

Good news Gina! 

Thank god I hadn't agreed to anything yet. his L certainly tried to coerce me. it was not cool.

[real lady]

I am relieved, optimistic and looking forward to the new year. I must admit I had some sleepless moments wondering what tactics H will deploy once he realizes I am not going to roll over and play dead. Money means everything to him-and he will not take kindly to paying more.

 Happy NEW YEAR... .  what a great start to a wonderful new year for you... .  I TOTALLY AGREE that "asking for ALL that your L has suggested" is the only reasonable course, NO MATTER WHAT your soon to be ex thinks about it.

A thought for you: when I was going through divorce with my son's father; from the time we left the house to divorce (2 yrs)... .  I focused on MY SON AND MY NEEDS. Period. I let my lawyer "talk" to my exh and when he would send emails, leave phone messages, etc... .  I would IGNORE THEM. I cut him off from any communication and literally told him "speak to my lawyer". This was the BEST THING that I could have done and it made my life easier and nights "much more sleepable", KNOWING that he was trying his hardest to threaten, coerce and manipulate (and scare and "keep me up at night worrying" me in so many ways to "throw me off my game"... .  

Gina Louise. YOU have the game plan. Stick with your L and play it out. Don't worry about your opposition. Just focus on YOUR game and what YOU need. You deserve it.

[gina louise]

thanks,

dealing alone over the phone with his lawyer was a whole mini drama in itself.

3 days in a row the man called me at home-pressuring me to agree. Throwing hypothetical situations around with fake figures, and vague threats. The judge may decide to do THIS to YOU... .  or THAT... .  and it may cost you! He meant to be unnerving.

I knew what he was up to. I didn't budge.

He would call several times in one day. Sometimes after 6-7 PM... .  when I least expected it.

The last few calls I let go to VM.

I am actually glad, grateful that my HUSBAND was so disordered that I learned how to listen and not react with heat, say no, very politely, and ask for terms in writing. It was good practice in dealing with a demanding, insulting and adversarial  lawyer.

GL

[livednlearned]

I'm glad you got an L who is working for you.

I've learned a lot over the past 2 years and am grateful for the lessons learned -- it sounds like you had a similar experience to me, learning how to assert yourself with the L and all that.  I wish it would wind down a bit, though  I'd be fine coasting for a while.

And congratulations on your job, that must feel good!

[ForeverDad]

For a lawyer, it's just another day at work, no big deal.  For us, dealing with it all directly puts us back into the emotional rotisserie to suffer again and again.  For that reason, lawyer are a good buffer to emotionally protect us.  It would be too expensive to dump every single thing in the lawyer's lap, but we at least need to delegate the most hurtful stuff to them.

[minkmink]

Just so you know, most firms will not hire a paralegal without a four year degree. Also, have you done enough research to see just what you will be making... .  call your local paralegal association. Take the head of the association to lunch. Ask very hard questions about what the market is like in your area.

Remember this... .  legal secretaries make more than paralegals. You will be expected to do "billable" hours on a salary. You will not be paid hourly.

Your major competitor are lawyers that are straight out of school that will work as a paralegal to get their foot in the door and the firm will take them, pay them next to nothing and bill them at a higher rate.

Mink, who was a litigation paralegal for almost 20 years.

BTW... .  if you can type at least 70 words a minute you might have a chance at a paralegal/secretarial position. It is a safer bet than doing a four year degree for typing. Have you thought of the health care field? It, at least has a future.

[gina louise]

 minkmink,

Ouch! I get it. you sound like you wished you had made a different career choice along the line.

thank you very much for the suggestions though.

Not interested in health care. I have a divorce that's a nurse. that's plenty. My son's in Law school, third year. top of his class all three years. Paralegal interests me, personally.

I was in retail and foodservice management. Management pay was hourly, regional Supervisor on a salary- Not going back there, if I can help it. Neither was a livable wage, except as second income, as part of a couple.

[minkmink]

The economy has hit the legal field just like any business that relies on people with problems and an inability to pay. Plus, like so many, there are so many lawyers who think they should make six figures. It just doesn't work like that any more.

If it wern't for the money and the very long hours without pay or bonus I would say that the law field gave me a bird's eye view into a world few even believe exists.

It is ruthless, exciting, will test you to the limits of your endurance and you will be dealing with some of the most god awful situations people get themselves into. You will never be the same. It changes you. And speak of corruption. Better have a heart of a lion. It is not for the faint of heart. Its all about winning. Throw justice out the window.

yes, there are some attorneys that can survive and still keep their heads, hearts and a modicum of integrity. But it is dog eat dog.

Would I do it again to know what I know now. For a time, yes, but I would have left sooner if I wasn't hooked on the excitement of the winning. They call it the golden handcuffs. Although  I did not make the money the attorneys did when I was first in it but most of them, if had a choice would have left the field (except for the money to feed the life style they had grown accustomed to.

When I was looking for an attorney to take my divorce case I saw a lawyers office next to this shop I was in. I thought, well, let's check them out. first thing i did was check their parking lot for Beamers and Lexus and Affinitys. These cars tell me that I am going to be one of the ones that pays for them. And believe me just because they drive those cars does NOT make them good at their job.

There was none. So I went in and found a smart, down to earth lawyer that should do a good enough job if I keep a short leash on him and do most of the information gathering myself. somethings you just gotta have a lawyer.

Mink

[gina louise]

minkmink,



thank you very much for the clarification! I appreciate it. I'm... pretty, um, seasoned, life-wise, so not much surprises me. Anymore.

You wrote:

It is ruthless, exciting, will test you to the limits of your endurance and you will be dealing with some of the most god awful situations people get themselves into. You will never be the same. It changes you. And speak of corruption. Better have a heart of a lion. It is not for the faint of heart. Its all about winning. Throw justice out the window.


Those few lines reminded me of the past six months of my personal life with  my uBPD (w/NPD traits) husband!   

I think I will be OK. I did check out salaries in my area and potential jobs. I could work for corporate or Govt. and be just fine.

GL

thanks for the information.