Q about what to tell my L

[gina louise]

I have read through my copy of "Splitting" and I understand the reasons not to reveal my suspicions about my stbxBPDh's mental state. He may have had a dx years ago during one of his several attempts at T-but I don't know for sure.

I have told my lawyer that my HUSBAND is not likely to tell the whole truth, and any documentation will need to be subpoenaed-which is proving to be true. My lawyer has requested H's Income and employment documentation three times thus far and gotten nothing.  I promptly scanned any and all docs I have access to and sent them to my  lawyer. My side's covered.

H sold his house within a few weeks of filing D. It just became final, which is a direct violation of the divorce papers he and his lawyer filed. My lawyer is using that violation as leverage, of course.

I guess his lawyer expected me to roll over and take anything they offered... .  but I didn't.

Is it OK to request a lump sum payment as I know my HUSBAND now has liquid assets from the sale of the house?

Can my lawyer attach/garnish that money, if he ultimately refuses to pay?

He is the type likely to quit his job to avoid making support payments- and sit home living off those assets until they dwindle-and he has a six figure capital gain, right now.

I simply can't depend on him to make those monthly payments, even if he's agreeing to it on paper.

That means nothing to his BPD (w/NPD traits) self.

I have told my lawyer my reservations, and about his spotty employment history. When he "felt" he had money to live on from his parents estate, he couldn't be bothered to even look for work. For him it's about feelings, not facts. Til the money runs low.

GL

[ForeverDad]

Is it OK to request a lump sum payment as I know my H now has liquid assets from the sale of the house?

Most definitely.  A bird in the hand is better than a bird in the bush.  Do not be timid, polite, overly fair, accommodating, etc.

He is the type likely to quit his job to avoid making support payments- and sit home living off those assets until they dwindle-and he has a six figure capital gain, right now.

It's possible his lawyer will insist upon payments over time.  So ask that the funds for those payments be held in escrow until paid out.  You don't want to get a court order and then have to keep going back to court over and over to seek eventual compliance.  That's expensive.  He would rather pay his lawyer than pay you.

Selling the house after filing for divorce is likely a huge No No.  Will he face consequences?  Possibly not.  It may be as your lawyer says, it's leverage that you can use in negotiations and court if need be.  Frankly, you don't care, as long as you get your legal portion of the marital assets.

Yes, you do tell YOUR lawyer all about him.  Your lawyer needs to know who/what he's dealing with.  With others, though, be more cautious about what you say.  For a short marriage without children, most of the officials and agencies won't care about the details unless there was substantive abuse.

[gina louise]

ForeverDad,

Thanks and you're correct.

I don't care about him selling the house except that he and his lawyer both knew that it violated the express terms set out.

I am actually glad, as it makes them look bad if it gets to court. They figured I wouldn't read the second page?

I did tell my lawyer I wanted a lump sum (and why). Not being timid.

Ultimately my HUSBAND can't hide the amount of the sale as it becomes public record soon enough.

I will ask about an escrow account if they can't negotiate the lump sum. I wasn't aware of that option.

Hoping My HUSBAND will just want to get it over with and not pay over time.

[ForeverDad]

I figure he's going to try to disappear that money as fast as he can.  I think your lawyer needs to file for him to escrow a reasonable portion that would more than cover the potential settlement.  Otherwise it will be gone by the time court gets around to it.