told him im leaving...

[HaylFire]

I dont want to leave him... I love him to death but I cant stand trying to help him and for nothing. he was just diagnosed with BPD so he doesnt quite understand how to controle himself and right now needs help and guidance. he is on meds and going to therapy. it doesnt hel tho because when he goes homto his mom shee doesnt give him responsibility or try to get him to be social. he sits at home doing nothing with no one. bbecause of this  all efforts of the rest of the family goes out the door.  and all the rage goes on me. i cant handle the thaught of all my efferts are a waist and this is very stressful! i have a newborn i have to look out for and he looks of it... as long js he is with his mom he wont eve get anybetter.   :'(

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rockylove]

I'm so sorry that you're struggling right now.  Having to care for a newborn is difficult enough without having additional worries. 

I understand you want to help your bf, but the best thing you can do for him is to take care of yourself and if that means backing away from the relationship right now than you should do that. 

His family may not have the understanding of BPD or they may not care to try anything new, but at least your bf is in therapy and taking meds.  It is up to HIM to make the changes necessary to make improvements in his life and it sounds like he's just beginning his treatment... .  it may take some time before there is much improvement but it has to come from him.

For now, take care of yourself so you can be a good mom to your baby. 

[laelle]

I'm so sorry that you're struggling right now.  Having to care for a newborn is difficult enough without having additional worries.  

I understand you want to help your bf, but the best thing you can do for him is to take care of yourself and if that means backing away from the relationship right now than you should do that.  

His family may not have the understanding of BPD or they may not care to try anything new, but at least your bf is in therapy and taking meds.  It is up to HIM to make the changes necessary to make improvements in his life and it sounds like he's just beginning his treatment... .  it may take some time before there is much improvement but it has to come from him.

For now, take care of yourself so you can be a good mom to your baby.  

[HaylFire]

i understand he has to change himself bbut he is never going to do that without help first. i mean lets face it. if he was in the proper mind set he would have gotten himself help to begin with. and he wouldnt have been in the hospital and most likely will be goinng in again. he is someone who wants to get better and kows he needs help making the proper decisions. he knows he at this moment has bad choice making and has cried out for help. his mom refuses to hear his ries. he has made the choice to ask for help... to ignore that and not even make an attemp to help him get and stay on the right track is just horrible

[laelle]

No, its not horrible to let him go if you have no benefit in the relationship.  You dont have to sacrifice, its not asked of you.  That is for you to decide.  As much as we all want to fix the BPD's in our life, we cant.  The best thing you can do is to make yourself happy and take care of you. Its great that he wants help and realizes that he has a problem.  That takes quite a man to admit that.   It hurts him to see that he hurts people in his life and feels helpless because atm its not under his control.  He has a mental illness.  I found that with my boyfriend, when I started to show him that his moods arent going to cause me to leave, things started getting better.  I learned to let more of what he says roll off my back.  Its not really about me anyway.  You allow him to throw his garbage on you.  Simply dont.  When he starts, dont argue about it, just tell him your getting upset and that you will talk to him this evening or after a bath, a short period of time.  They dont like it at first, and they may ignore you for a little while, but as long as you do it kindly and tell him your coming back, he will get over it.  In the mean time, get that nap you so need.  The best thing you can do for him is to be happy.

[HaylFire]

i want to try that but iv already told him i was leaving... how doi take that back?

[briefcase]

Read about SET, and try to frame what you want to say to him using that tool.  Post it here, and we'll give you feedback!

[HaylFire]

he actually just apollogised to me... ill have to talk about whats going on next time i see him... .  oh and th SET makes a lot of sence