When They Lie To Their Pdoc's

[Parents! Get help here!]

My BPD/DD16 has been seeing a T for about 3 years, and they have a great relationship.  Her T knows my DD and her behaviours, etc, very well.  Since my DD has been seeing her T since she was 13, we've all developed a great relationship with each other.  And my DH and I meet and email T on a regular basis in order to bring her up to speed on DD's issues.  (because over time we've discovered that DD tells a multitude of lies, even to her T).   

So because of this relationship, my DD's T is made aware of any lies, etc, that my DD tells her.  And these lies can range from the seemingly minute (like buying new bed sheets when she hasn't), to the severe (like saying she either has or has not cut her arms very badly, when the opposite was actually true). 

My DD16 does not know of the extent that my DH and I have this "behind the scenes" communication with her T.  But she does know that if anything significant happens, then we openly tell her that we will be informing her T.  And she is ok with this.  And all of this works well becaus it allows her T to direct the sessions toward the issues that DD is having, rather than believing that everything is as DD says it is.

What concerns me is that DD16 is now starting to see a new Pdoc, in addition to her T, which we are very pleased over.  But I don't see us as parents having the same type of relationship and communication with her Pdoc as we do with her T.  So since this Pdoc is new, how will she know when DD16 tells her lies?  I wonder how this will affect her therapy with Pdoc.  And I wonder how will Pdoc know what to adress or not address, if DD16 tells lies?

I guess I'm partially nervous over what types of lies DD16 will tell when she has a new "audience" with Pdoc, and who doesn't know her history of lying.  Will Pdoc just take everything that DD16 says as fact?  And if so, how will this help DD16?

I'm sure my DD16 is not the only pwBPD that tells lies to their Pdoc.  So I guess I'm wondering how are Pdocs and other professionals able to tell what the truth is when they are dealing with people who consistently lie?  They must have ways to tell.  Has anyone else here gone through something similar to this?

Thank you so much for your replies.

[BrownEyes]

My BPD/DD16 has been seeing a T for about 3 years, and they have a great relationship.  Her T knows my DD and her behaviours, etc, very well.  Since my DD has been seeing her T since she was 13, we've all developed a great relationship with each other.  And my DH and I meet and email T on a regular basis in order to bring her up to speed on DD's issues.  (because over time we've discovered that DD tells a multitude of lies, even to her T).   

So because of this relationship, my DD's T is made aware of any lies, etc, that my DD tells her.  And these lies can range from the seemingly minute (like buying new bed sheets when she hasn't), to the severe (like saying she either has or has not cut her arms very badly, when the opposite was actually true). 

My DD16 does not know of the extent that my DH and I have this "behind the scenes" communication with her T.  But she does know that if anything significant happens, then we openly tell her that we will be informing her T.  And she is ok with this.  And all of this works well becaus it allows her T to direct the sessions toward the issues that DD is having, rather than believing that everything is as DD says it is.

What concerns me is that DD16 is now starting to see a new Pdoc, in addition to her T, which we are very pleased over.  But I don't see us as parents having the same type of relationship and communication with her Pdoc as we do with her T.  So since this Pdoc is new, how will she know when DD16 tells her lies?  I wonder how this will affect her therapy with Pdoc.  And I wonder how will Pdoc know what to adress or not address, if DD16 tells lies?

I guess I'm partially nervous over what types of lies DD16 will tell when she has a new "audience" with Pdoc, and who doesn't know her history of lying.  Will Pdoc just take everything that DD16 says as fact?  And if so, how will this help DD16?

I'm sure my DD16 is not the only pwBPD that tells lies to their Pdoc.  So I guess I'm wondering how are Pdocs and other professionals able to tell what the truth is when they are dealing with people who consistently lie?  They must have ways to tell.  Has anyone else here gone through something similar to this?

Thank you so much for your replies.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[cfh]

My ds also lies about about big and little things all the time.  I think it's really become a habit driven by fear.

Most concerning to us is when he goes to a new pdoc.  He is 29 so we cannot be involved but he seeks out pdocs who will write him rx's for anxiety.

He knows just what to say and describes his panic attacks in great detail.

His is a drug addict but is on probation so when he is drug tested he will fail if it's a street drug.

What I always do when I find out he is seeing a new pdoc is to call the doctor and leave a detailed message explaining my ds history of drug abuse especially with benzos.

Though I know the pdoc can't discuss it with me I feel it's important for him to know because my ds is very convincing when he wants drugs. 

[lbjnltx]

I go to pdoc apptmts with my d.

He will usually speak with me privately, then her privately.  Sometimes we go in together.

Has she already had her first appointment with this new pdoc?

Did you have an opportunity to speak w/the pdoc alone or with d16?

[sunshineplease]

I like lbj's approach. If your daughter is lying (I know mine did), the pdoc needs to know. If he/she doesn't care, I'd say look for a new pdoc. The other thing that might work for you is for you (and possibly DD16, depending on your state) to sign a release so the pdoc and T can communicate about your daughter. Could save a lot of time.

[jellibeans]

My dd15 recently began with a new therapist and I had a long phone conversation with her first and then I went in to talk with her and my DD together... .  I usually do this if there has been some kind of trouble. I also email her directly if there has been trouble at home so she knows the whole story. My DD likes to tell only part of the story and often it is not very truthful. In time the new T has gotten to know dd better and I don't need to go in very often.

[Kate4queen]

Unfortunately my son is now 21 and we're not entitled to deal with any of the medical personnel who are dealing with him and merrily handing out pain killers to someone who exchanges them for other drugs. when we finally got to see the surgeon before son's back surgery (after he blocked us all the way to the wire despite us paying for everything) my husband was surprised at how rude everyone in the office was to us-including the surgeon. I'd just noted it as my son's usual ability to distort the truth and make out that we were uncaring parents who didn't want to be involved in his 'pain'.

[sunshineplease]

Wow, K4Q, that's harsh. Sad how some medical professionals don't allow themselves to see the dynamics at play. You deserve respect, even if HIPPA means you're not legally entitled to info. We finally had to say flat out to some doctors that we would not pay for certain treatments -- they could recommend all they wanted, but they needed to know they (and the other providers they sent ud17 to) would not get one penny out of us for chasing repeatedly down roads that had only made things worse. They may be medical experts, but they don't live with our kids, and way too many of them don't see past the lies of pwBPD.