How long did it take you to get a CO in place?

[Thunderstruck]

My SO is trying to get a time-sharing/child support plan in place and it is taking FOREVER. They were never married, so according to his lawyer this makes the process more difficult.

How long did it take some of you to get to mediation? It's been 6 months since SO first contacted the lawyer. I want a feel for if this seems normal or if this lawyer is being lackadaisical.

[ForeverDad]

This question might be more meaningful from those who weren't married, but I can tell you my story and then factors I believe your case might involve.  In general terms, of course.

I had been separated for nearly 4 months when our mutual temp protection orders which included a parenting schedule were dismissed.  Actually, the family court magistrate heard my testimony and dismissed it.  My ex withdrew her case and it too was dismissed that day too.  All that was left was my temp protection order over in municipal court due to her threats of DV, but I knew that soon it too would be resolved one way or the other.  But the temp parenting schedule in family court ended when the protection orders ended and she began blocking all father-son contact.  I had to do something, my ex was clearly not interested in reconciliation, so I got a divorce attorney and about a month later filed for divorce.  Once that clock was started it was just a matter of time - over 7 weeks - for the initial hearing that set the 'temporary' order which again set a parenting schedule.  Warning, 'temporary' turned out to be nearly 2 years, court declined to make any changes until the final decree.

For those not married, there are additional hurdles.  In some states the mother has near total control virtually no matter what.  Generally, the first hurdles are to begin a custody/parenting case.  Has that been done?  Court will probably ignore the time before a case is filed.  Doesn't matter how long he's been talking with a lawyer or paying a lawyer, has a case been filed in family court?

Next is to establish paternity.  That shouldn't be hard, just use a testing service acknowledged by your family court system.  It's possible it may first have to be ordered by the court.  Is mother contesting paternity?  Has paternity been established yet?

Once the ball is rolling, it should only take a month or two to get a temporary order.  Generally the judge disclaims any knowledge of what a final order might be, asks a minimum of questions and sets a temporary order of custody, parenting time schedule and child support, and states what the next steps are.  Often mediation is the first next step.  If he's already been ordered to mediation, why isn't there a parenting schedule ordered yet?

Beware that his ex will declare he's a deadbeat dad, doesn't care about his child, doesn't visit his child, is neglecting the child, is abusing the child, etc, etc, etc.  She will say or do anything to make him look bad or at least worse than her.  It's up to him to be very firm that he does want to be an involved parent, that his parenting is being blocked arbitrarily much of the time if not most of the time.  He will need to have as much documentation as possible of his good behaviors and efforts - and the same for her poor behaviors and arbitrary blocking.

[tog]

Well, let's see... .  my SO filed for divorce 2 years ago March. There is a "court order" in place, but she violates it regularly and has continued to drag him back to court to challenge custody issues. They are still not divorced. So really, it doesn't matter a whole lot when there is one in place. I used to think it would, but with a pwBPD, not so much.  They continue to do what they please, and sometimes, having "rules" put on them makes it all worse.

I'm pretty cynical about the court system. Can you tell? The only thing that has made uN/BPDstbxw behave is having a co-parent counselor watching what she does. Appearance matters to her. Rules? If no one is watching, not so much.

[Thunderstruck]

She's not contesting paternity (no way, then she wouldn't get money!) so this should be pretty smooth but it's taking forever. His name is on the birth certificate and they did a DNA test at birth so paternity is pretty solid. The X was served in Oct and dragged her feet to reply. Since then there has been no forward motion. I feel like mediation should be taking place already.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is a "temporary" order available in FL for paternity cases. So visitation has been sparse and on the X's terms (usually after SO coughs up cash).

It's sounding like SO should switch lawyers... .  I'm worried that this current one isn't prepared/willing to deal with the impending battle royale that is expected with this high conflict individual.

[ForeverDad]

If the delay is her lack of response, then his lawyer should push for the case to move forward anyway.  Lack of response is just as much a delay tactic as obstruction and false allegations are.

It sounds like some consultations with other family law attorneys are in order.  If paternity isn't contested but he's filed for a visitation schedule, then *something* should have been set up within a couple months while the case is pending.

In most states getting a hearing scheduled means waiting for 4-8 weeks, sometimes more.  Does he at least have a date for the next court event?