Wife having second thoughts - need help

[cal644]

Need some advise.  My wife is now starting to realize that she is not happier like she thought she would be.  I beleive she is having major regrets for chosing her EA affair over her family.  Here's the problem though - I have thrown some white flags and she refuses to take any chance.  She blames me for filing, blames me for having her leave the house, blames me for everything.  She knows she is miserable - but is scared to death of comming back.  She still refuses to even take the first step towards reconsiling - no date, no talking, no counciling, etc.  Any ideas on how I should proceed to let her know that she would have been the only woman I was ever with, and I would have been with her until the day I died?  I love how she blames me - but the seperation/divorce was also her decesion - ultimately she decided her EA over her family and now I'm totally to blame.

[Vindi]

she is making you feel like you are to blame. She is probably stuck on her thinking and not sure which is the right path.

Any ideas on how I should proceed to let her know that she would have been the only woman I was ever with, and I would have been with her until the day I died? 

why not tell her this? let her know, she may still not know what to do, but I think you truly have to decide if you want to be with her even after the EA.

[momtara]

Would she read an email if you sent her one?  Or do you want to meet with her in front of a marriage counselor and chat?  That way you have a third party there to keep insults and nutty comments to a minimum.

[cal644]

Well she refuses to goto marriage counciling. I asked her the other day if she was happier - she said NO! Honestly I think she is so lost right now.  She's not doing good at all.  She is an UBPD Waif type - and what scares me is that she is hitting rock bottom - I fear that she may try to take her life.  There has been a time or two in the past where we had to have someone on suicide watch 24/7.  Now with no loving family there to help her - I truly am scared for her.  She has totally crashed - but doesn't know what she wants.  She is affraid if I take her back and she screws up again that I will once again kick her out of the house - The other thing that I worry about is does she want to come back for "Love" or is it just for financial stability.