Researching BPD and other dx's ...

[Googie]

www.bpdresources.net/top_articles/BPD_children.htm

Hi everyone,

I've been reading up on BPD and other disorders that my dd has been diagnosed with.  Since there is a bit of a discrepancy regarding the axis I, I just figured to become familiar with each one as best as I can.

The above link is a report on children of mothers who have BPD.  This is a very interesting article and makes me think that maybe my parenting has had a negative effect of her.  I am curious to know if anyone has ever read a report or article about more than one child having BPD if raised by a parent with BPD.  I have 5 children and only one has behavior issues. Besides my dd, her older sister was experimenting with pot which she may or may not be using currently.  I know we dealt with it when it came up and her attitude and outlook on life improved past my expectations.  However, because of all the chaos in our home directly related to my dd's crisis's, we all feel as though we have had the wind knocked out of us and are slowly catching our breath.

With that said, surely not every child will turn out to have BPD, so why does it effect one and not the others if the cause is a parents dysfunctional nurturing. 

In my dd's case, from the time she was born and every stage of early childhood, there have been disturbing behaviors and difficulties with bonding to her siblings as well as myself.  Forget anyone outside the family, there was a definite deterrence so much so that the pediatrician thought that she may have Aspberger's and referred us before the age of 3 for testing.  She probably had every single test because it seemed as if we were always going to appointments for testing due to the results of the prior assessment.  We even went to Duke Childrens Clinic where we were observed all day doing certain activities that were explained by a group of doctors and we had to continue whatever the activity was until they told us to stop while they watched us form behind a mirror. We were there for 4 days in a row.  Only my dd was identified as anti-social.  We were told that we interacted very well in all areas, however my dd showed consistent defiance and lack of interest throughout the entire study.  I was told that she was one of the most interesting kids they had ever seen, and that from their experience based on her behavior and consistent defiance and lack of empathy she would need intensive interventions throughout her developmental years into adulthood.

Is it possible that because her behaviors were so severe at such an early age that my constant redirection and discipline could have caused her to continue to get worse?  I had to constantly keep her someplace that I knew she was safe and that she could not hurt her siblings which limited what she could do causing more damage than anything else.

I'm curious to know how many kids with BPD started out to young and so severe.  And if there are additional dx such as bi-polar or major depressive disorder that could magnify the traits of BPD?

It just seems strange that 4 out of 5 of my children are well adjusted and show no signs of difficulty handling stress.  The only time any of us feel like jumping out of our skin is when we are caught in the crossfire of my dd's crisis's and try to live in a home where you can't feel safe.  My dd operated 24 hours a day and would require us to either get no sleep or broken sleep for weeks at a time. 

Why just her if we have all been living in this unstable, unpredictable, violent environment.  Shouldn't we all have to some degree, the same dysfunctional thinking and behavior.

Just been doing a lot of reading and I have found myself stuck on this one issue.  Sorry to ramble, .

Googie

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[opheliasmom]

"With that said, surely not every child will turn out to have BPD, so why does it effect one and not the others if the cause is a parents dysfunctional nurturing."

Dear Googie, 

I have been tormenting myself with that very question for some time.  I have twins one is "normal" the other is dwBPd and a drug addict.  While my dwBPD did not have as many childhood problems as your child she has been difficult since she was a baby.  She has always been very needy and emotional.  At the age of three she was dx with "Possible ADHD, oppositional defiance disorder, delayed learning bla bla bla"  In the third grade her teachers insisted we put her on Ritalin, I did not.  She had biofeedback therapy.  In the fifth grade she won a county wide math and science award so go figure.  Then adolescence began and it has been hell ever since.

I have read so many clinical books and was originally horrified that according to the clinicians this is all the parent's fault.  But authors like Kreiger helped me realize that its not all my fault.  No doubt my analytical, logical personality is not the best match for an emotional child.  You ask if your redirection and discpline caused her to get worse.  Instinct tells me no, probably you helped her by setting boundaries and having expectations.  I have stopped asking WHY, because I don't believe there is a definitive answer.  I think 5 different clinicians would give you 5 different answers.  I think genetics, biology, nurture and luck all play a part in WHY.  It sounds like you are a compassionate, involved parent and you need to always remember you have done an excellent job with all of your children. 

[jellibeans]

googie

I will not let myself go there... .  I just don't see how that is going to help us going forward. Did I make mistakes? Well probably but I certainly didn't mean to hurt or cause harm... .  and I am sure you didn't mean any harm either.

I have two daughters... .  one with and one without BPD... .  my oldest is Straight A student... .  athlete that compete on the national level. Excels in everything... .  easy going... and on and on... .  My younger DD has had issues since very young... .  always spirited... .  showed signs really young so I really don't know what I could have done differently. I think what is more important is that I am now trying hard to help her.

It is a real mystery for sure... .  don't beat yourself up over things you can't change

[Somewhere]

This is a little (meaning a LOT) more complicated than just simple Mendel Genetics.

www.anthro.palomar.edu/mendel/mendel_1.htm

But even by those models, recessive traits often do not show.

BPD, which seems to show as measurable in fMRI Brain Scans, does seem to require triggers and other early life and stress events.  Even generation-to-generation where BPD is tracked, it shows up in varying degrees.

I suppose since it seems to have come down the family tree from my wife's side, I understand that I am a little detached from the personal aspect -- but really I just want to get good help for my 8 y.o. son -- who seems to have some of the behavior markers, so he can live a better life than what Mom/Mrs. Somewhere (seems to be an all but tagged-and-tattooed BP) has been through.

[qcarolr]

This topic has been front and center on my mind lately too. As it applies to my DD26 and so many things I wish I could go back and do over, and now for my gd7 who is beginning the spinning wheel of ADHD, defiance, anxiety... .  I signed the form to allow the IEP assessments with the team meeting coming in April. YIKES - I don't want to do this all again (dh and I have custody of gd since she was a baby).

Gd's T handed me some books about attachment to look at during her last appt. I downloaded two and read them - about how our brain systems work, how our kids brain systems work related to early trauma (whether from outside or inside). IMHO there is a strong genetic and even structural neurological impact on each individual. This is really supported by siblings with some OK and others struggling that receive the same parenting. The awesome part of these books is the guidance they provide parents to help make things better. They have given me much hope.

There is a plan to do a workshop soon on this topic. If you are able to read these books, it would be wonderful to have participation when it gets rolled out.  The background of the authors is working with foster and adoptive families - there is a lot of focus on the external trauma features. The principles do apply to those kids with a stronger internal 'cause' of perceived trauma, though these are only touched on in the books (ie. autism, asperger's, mental illness defined).

"Brain-Based Parenting: The Neuroscience of Caregivnig for Healthy Attachment", Daniel Hughes, Jonathan Baylin  (Daniel Hughes is founder PACE based methods)

"Creating Loving Attachments: Parenting with PACE to Nurture Confidence and Security in the troubled child", Kim S Golding and Daniel Hughes. (This guide is very helpful in coping with the siblings of your BPDkids as well)

New directions in treatment give me great hope for both my DD and my gd.

qcr  

[mamachelle]

I am raising two sets of kids with one BPD parent.

My 2DD 13 and 16 (BPD dad) and 3ss 8, 10 and 15(BPD mom)

Of those 1 is showing signs of BPd SS10

Dx is emerging bipolar or mood disorder-nos

Slow processing-- and I think some possible aspie traits undx

SS15

Dx is pdd-nos, bipolar, learning disorder, emerging thought disorder, and on and on... .  

Both boys have abnormal EEG but SS15 is worse.

I definitely see a strong neurological component in my own "family test group "   so I am looking forward to reading new material and opening this up to a workshop. I feel like the neuropsych community needs more education as my neuropsych who is really well credentialed told me 90% of BPd cases are due to abuse. I was upset but then he and Pdoc went on to suggest treatment both medical and behavioral not unlike what others here have for their older BPd kids and wouldn't rule it out later... .  I just think since it is a pd it is on a different axis and considered less treatable they give all these other dx first for kids younger than teens especially. Also the emotional and theory of mind stuff works on paper tests as very black and white  but not the same as real life where black white thinking meets the real world.

Basically, google, what I am trying to say is you are not to blame and your own " family test group " proves this as well.  

[Senata48]

I am the mother of two adoped adult(?) foreign born children. Both came from the same orphanage. One was born in a hospital/with the mother receiving prenatal care and counseling. The other was left on a door step. The one with the expert care is the one with the problems. We were told that the mother of the child that receive medical care was very unhappy about the pregnancy. We only know that the abandoned chid was well dressed and left in a relatively safe place to be found. Possibly this child was more loved. I guess you just never know how individuals will be affected by circumstances.