How do you do this?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I feel very lost right now :'( My ex BPD bf and I broke up on January 1st... .  We talked almost two weeks ago. At first, I was a bit surprised that he was so calm about the break-up (he was in another country visiting his mother, but there had been a lot of fights, so we stopped talking- on my request- and then when we talked again he was cold and distant... .  I got angry and didn't wanna wait for him to come back (I also wanted to avoid seeing him at all) so we broke up over text messages and he was like "ok, all the best for you". This left me feeling that he never cared at all, that everything else he had told  me was a lie and he just wanted someone there who would listen to him and be sort of a band-aid, someone to make him feel better and that's it... .  And one month later, he's about to return to my country, and he writes me asking me to help him, telling me how much he missed me, he needed me, etc, sending me old pictures of the two of us, pictures of his sick mother, saying that he thinks that someone is talking trash about him and that is why people are going away, that there is a conspiracy to try to kill him (  ) and a lot of horrible, painful and confusing things... .  I think he was trying to manipulate me, and that he only did it because he wanted someone to come back to now that he was returning to the country... .  He wrote me all day long for two days like that, and in the end I stopped answering because every time I said goodbye he continued on and on and I didn't know how to make it stop... .  I felt guilty because I thought how painful it must be to just stop receiving an answer, although I am conscious that he never, not even once, said something that wasn't related to the fact the he NEEDED help, so it's not true love... .  And then I see this message on his FB "always look on he bright side of things" and I'm even more confused, because it happened at the same time that he was allegedly suffreing and asking me for help, so I do not know what to think anymore... .  I don't know which things he told me (during our relationship) that were true and which ones were false, I don't know if he was with me always having a backup plan with other girls, and I don't know how could I be so blind, because I saw all the signs and I guess I just wanted so bad for the relationship to work out that I willingly shut my eyes to the reality... .  And now it is just so painful and confusing to not know what was true or false, and I keep imagining things and thinking about him and what is he doing or who is he with... .  I just want it to stop

He wrote me again... .  we've been talking since Saturday, and the first day I was just insulting and cursing him 'cause he told me that his ex stayed in his house 'just as friends' and that nothing happened (I actually believe it... .  But I still don't like it and I'm jealous  of her 'cause she gets to be a part of his life and I don't) , but yesterday and today was SO sweet, he told me all the things that I always wanted to hear when we were together but I KNOW that this is not the RS I want for the rest of my life, so we said goodbye (once again) and I blocked him. I feel so bad that he is going to see that I blocked him and be sad/angry/hurt/etc about it... .  But if I just said goodbye he kept talking to me, so I didn't know what else todo :'( so once again, going NC... .  This is just too painful :'(

[wondering128]

I feel very lost right now :'( My ex BPD bf and I broke up on January 1st... .  We talked almost two weeks ago. At first, I was a bit surprised that he was so calm about the break-up (he was in another country visiting his mother, but there had been a lot of fights, so we stopped talking- on my request- and then when we talked again he was cold and distant... .  I got angry and didn't wanna wait for him to come back (I also wanted to avoid seeing him at all) so we broke up over text messages and he was like "ok, all the best for you". This left me feeling that he never cared at all, that everything else he had told  me was a lie and he just wanted someone there who would listen to him and be sort of a band-aid, someone to make him feel better and that's it... .  And one month later, he's about to return to my country, and he writes me asking me to help him, telling me how much he missed me, he needed me, etc, sending me old pictures of the two of us, pictures of his sick mother, saying that he thinks that someone is talking trash about him and that is why people are going away, that there is a conspiracy to try to kill him (  ) and a lot of horrible, painful and confusing things... .  I think he was trying to manipulate me, and that he only did it because he wanted someone to come back to now that he was returning to the country... .  He wrote me all day long for two days like that, and in the end I stopped answering because every time I said goodbye he continued on and on and I didn't know how to make it stop... .  I felt guilty because I thought how painful it must be to just stop receiving an answer, although I am conscious that he never, not even once, said something that wasn't related to the fact the he NEEDED help, so it's not true love... .  And then I see this message on his FB "always look on he bright side of things" and I'm even more confused, because it happened at the same time that he was allegedly suffreing and asking me for help, so I do not know what to think anymore... .  I don't know which things he told me (during our relationship) that were true and which ones were false, I don't know if he was with me always having a backup plan with other girls, and I don't know how could I be so blind, because I saw all the signs and I guess I just wanted so bad for the relationship to work out that I willingly shut my eyes to the reality... .  And now it is just so painful and confusing to not know what was true or false, and I keep imagining things and thinking about him and what is he doing or who is he with... .  I just want it to stop

He wrote me again... .  we've been talking since Saturday, and the first day I was just insulting and cursing him 'cause he told me that his ex stayed in his house 'just as friends' and that nothing happened (I actually believe it... .  But I still don't like it and I'm jealous  of her 'cause she gets to be a part of his life and I don't) , but yesterday and today was SO sweet, he told me all the things that I always wanted to hear when we were together but I KNOW that this is not the RS I want for the rest of my life, so we said goodbye (once again) and I blocked him. I feel so bad that he is going to see that I blocked him and be sad/angry/hurt/etc about it... .  But if I just said goodbye he kept talking to me, so I didn't know what else todo :'( so once again, going NC... .  This is just too painful :'(

[inepted]

Exactly same reactions happened with my ex BPD when we broke up. I was also really surprised by how she took it. "Oh, okay" was her only response. The way she acted left me wondering if she ever felt the same way. Every time we talked after that she was cold and distant, unless she didn't have anyone else to talk to. Then I had her attention.

I gave her the option of getting back together, and Ive focused on little contact for now. I would choose NC, but, Im worried she may try and commit suicide again, and I want to leave the door open for her to talk to me if she ever feels that down again.

Im not sure how healthy it is, but Ive found "faking it" to be rather helpful for me in dealing with her right now. The way she's acting since painting me black really hurts, but I cant let it bother me. Right now I need to focus on myself. I work out, I play video games, I find things that I enjoy doing that dont remind me of her. As much as I want to dwell and over analyze every little thing she does, I cant let it get me. I put on a smile and laugh and try and have as much fun as I can right now. Maybe Im just putting off dealing with it, I dont know.

[benny2]

Seems to be a pattern with them. Mine does the same things. Acts like he could care less when I tell him no more, its to painful, but then contacts me after no more than usually 2 weeks and starts reminising. Its so hard letting go. I get so lonely and depressed. I'm not sure whats worse. Right now we are on a casual basis which seems to be ok at the time, but I know before I will be fed up with the emotional rollercoaster and once again trying to end it for my sanity.

[wondering128]

Yes... .  I think it's healthier to let go... .  My ex wrote me once again, 3 days after the last time we talked, only to insult me and then blocked me when he knew I had read it so I couldn't answer... .  And right now I'm thinking about SO MANY things he did to me that were just WRONG... .  There are many types of violence, not only physical, and I actually think that last day of insults was for the best, because I can't keep on letting him abuse me and making up excuses for his behavior... .  I know there are things that are just a product of his disease, but it doesn't change the fact that he keeps on hurting me and doesn't do anything to change the situation, so no more. I don't think he will contact me again ('cause he already put the blame on me so now he can say that he was the "victim" of it all), and really, everything happens for a reason. Now I'm just gonna find some help for me, and go on. Abuse is abuse, even if it is the product of a disease, it still hurts. And in EVERY relationship, both people should be fighting to make it work, not just one part giving and the other taking.