Do I leave her to it?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hey everyone, hope you are all well, I posted this on another forum but found this one as well so be good to get some advice

well over the weekend I had an argument with my GF about something really silly and we havent spoken in a few days, whilst doing some research I came across Petulant BPD and it scared me how she shows so many of the characteristics of it, I actually had a eureka moment. We were also talking the other week how she may also have mild OCD which also coincides with it.

anyways, the other day ( and Im kind of regretting it now ) I blocked her on my FB page, she realised that night and sent me a text saying 'nice to see you deleted me from FB, didnt take long did it. Take care' - thing is we've always had spats like this, but at the weekend it got to the point where I got so mad I just wanted her away from me for just a few days. Right now Im just doing the NC thing, but I feel really bad now that Ive found out about this condition that Im SURE she has - now shes supposed to be down this weekend ( she lives a couple of hours away ), do I get in contact with her and tell her what Ive found? tbh I think if I did she would just explode at me and that would be it - or do I just stay away and see what happens?

She has a few things that she has left round here, but there has been no mention from her that she wants me to send them back to her - We are so in love with each other but I really dont know what to do now, for all I know she may have deleted my number from her phone ( shes threatened to do this plenty of times )

Ive been thinking this over, and at the beginning of the year I went on a 2 week trip out of the country with a good friend of mine – I discussed it with her before I went and she said I should definitely go. During this time we weren’t in communication as much as when I was in the country obviously, Since I have been back though things have seemed to have detirotated since then – could it be that while I was away this triggered her fear of abandonment and she has been trying to push me away since then? Or am I thinking too much into it?

Do I contact her or do I just wait? she was supposed to be down this weekend but it looks unlikely now

thanks for reading

[Mightyhammers]

Hey everyone, hope you are all well, I posted this on another forum but found this one as well so be good to get some advice

well over the weekend I had an argument with my GF about something really silly and we havent spoken in a few days, whilst doing some research I came across Petulant BPD and it scared me how she shows so many of the characteristics of it, I actually had a eureka moment. We were also talking the other week how she may also have mild OCD which also coincides with it.

anyways, the other day ( and Im kind of regretting it now ) I blocked her on my FB page, she realised that night and sent me a text saying 'nice to see you deleted me from FB, didnt take long did it. Take care' - thing is we've always had spats like this, but at the weekend it got to the point where I got so mad I just wanted her away from me for just a few days. Right now Im just doing the NC thing, but I feel really bad now that Ive found out about this condition that Im SURE she has - now shes supposed to be down this weekend ( she lives a couple of hours away ), do I get in contact with her and tell her what Ive found? tbh I think if I did she would just explode at me and that would be it - or do I just stay away and see what happens?

She has a few things that she has left round here, but there has been no mention from her that she wants me to send them back to her - We are so in love with each other but I really dont know what to do now, for all I know she may have deleted my number from her phone ( shes threatened to do this plenty of times )

Ive been thinking this over, and at the beginning of the year I went on a 2 week trip out of the country with a good friend of mine – I discussed it with her before I went and she said I should definitely go. During this time we weren’t in communication as much as when I was in the country obviously, Since I have been back though things have seemed to have detirotated since then – could it be that while I was away this triggered her fear of abandonment and she has been trying to push me away since then? Or am I thinking too much into it?

Do I contact her or do I just wait? she was supposed to be down this weekend but it looks unlikely now

thanks for reading

[blecker]

Hi Mightyhammer.

I wouldn't be rude. If she calls then I would be cordial. But I wouldn't call her.

Read here for a bit and try to identify with what others are sharing.

The first question you really must answer is whether you wish to stay in a relationship that is difficult at best and endless hell at worst.

Good luck.   

[Mightyhammers]

Thanks for that

The dilemma Im facing right now is that Ive identified ( or think I have ) what the problem is, and would love to reach out to her and tell her what it is – even if it means she will explode on me ( which I think she probably will )

Its hard doing the NC thing, and I keep reading that some of the time it does no good as they just forget about you after 2 weeks! That would really grind my heart into the ground

Im really at a crossroads whether I want to persue this any further, my friends are all heavily against it, but Im in love with the girl it would be a shame to let it all go

[dogpirate]

This sounds a lot like my relationship with my ex. Whenever we got into tiffs, she became very passive aggressive and would make idle threats (like removing me from her phone/fb/whatever).

When will this type of behavior stop? Do you want to be in a long-term committed relationship with someone where if things go wrong, they threaten to cut contact and act like they'll never talk to you again?

She had a chance to respond normally, i.e "Why did you remove me from facebook?" but instead she chose to respond passive-aggressively,

Wait for her to respond, and go about your life normally. If she doesn't call you, she isn't worth your time. Who would cut a loved one out of their life simply because they deleted them from facebook for a night?

[blecker]

Im really at a crossroads whether I want to persue this any further, my friends are all heavily against it, but Im in love with the girl it would be a shame to let it all go

Then you wait until you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I have been there as countless others have on and off this board. Loving someone in spite of every reason not too. We want to make it right. We want what we want when we want it. We want everybody to be happy.

I could not make it right, nor could I make her happy. In reality, I made it worse.

My best to you.

[Mightyhammers]

Hey thanks for the reply

Im willing to give things another shot if we set out certain boundaries, even though it looks like its going to fail – I guess right now Im blinded by love, it absolutely sucks

And yes like your ex she has threatened quite a few times to delete my phone number ( she never did ), not speak or text me again ( she did )

I should point out though that this is the longest we haven’t been in contact ( 4 days ) while we have been seeing each other, what makes it worse is that she was supposed to be spending the weekend she had train tickets ready and everything, but we just haven’t been in contact. Im going to have to think long and hard over the weekend about what Im going to do

[artman.1]

If she feels seriously abandoned, she may paint you BLACK!  My UBPDW painted me black about 40 years ago and I have never been white since then.  Yes, I have accepted this bad treatment and finally discovered what was going on two years ago.  I have been working on ME since a year ago and studied BPD behaviors for the year in between.  This just sucks, and will continue to suck.  Telling a mentally Ill person that they are mentally Ill, is not going to get anyone anywhere.  Only a professional should do that.

Art

[Mightyhammers]

If she feels seriously abandoned, she may paint you BLACK!

Now that really scares me, so much so that I just picked up my phone and was about to text her. Give me strength!

[Mightyhammers]

well I really struggled tonight not to get in contact with her, bed now I think... .  

[Mightyhammers]

Well I just tried to add her again on FB, and within a MINUTE I got a message from her asking why I had done it – it then entered into her just laying into me for about a half hour, trying to justify why she thought I was being unfaithful and that she had done enough talking about us, but then she said toward the end that she is spending easter weekend with her best pal ( literally a few miles from where I am, as she is thinking of moving down my way ) but she wont be speaking to me as she wont be seeing me again anyway, so why would she mention it in the first place? That just seems strange to me

[benny2]

I have held off telling my uBPDbf about the BPD, even though he knows something is wrong with him and he has all the traits and then some. I'm pretty sure he would paint me black, make a fool of me and still not seek help. It probably is not a good move to tell her, but rather if you are serious about staying in it or trying to, gather info and learn how to deal with someone with this disorder. Its very hard, very discouraging at times, and I feel like throwing in the towel at least twice a week. You pretty much have to let them control the relationship, and sit back and deal with whatever comes your way. Any retaliation on your behalf just ends up slapping you in the face. Good Luck and welcome. We're all in this boat together.

[Mightyhammers]

well I sent her a heartfelt email, and I pretty much got back what I expected - it just seems like she ignored what I wrote and said its over. Its strange as I didnt expect her to give me closure like that! well its finished now I guess, until around 6 months time I reckon when she comes back!