When things are good, they're good

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello,

My uBPDh (from whom I am separated but still in a relationship) is seeming positively stable after a few days of dysregulation and silent treatment last week, which had followed a solid period of improvement in his behavior and our relationship.

Now he seems "normal" and happy - maybe I should just keep it to myself and enjoy it... .  as if acknowledging it to others will cause him to cycle again.  No, I am not superstitious but it does have a knack for working out that way.

This has been a stressful week at work. Major deadlines, bad weather, and whatnot. He has been emotionally available each day, offering encouragement and being positive. Sometimes when I need support or encouragement he runs.  This week he is so there and it would be so easy to get used to.  Doesn't sound like he's been drinking much either.

Sometimes it seems he has more than one personality.  When he is like this, I wonder if his issues (besides the drinking) are mainly in my head or maybe just made worse by me.  Of course, I've contributed and made things worse before I learned the tools - and I'm still learning to use them.

I don't know.  Surely I'm not the only one who lives with this kind of confusion.

Daze

[daze]

Hello,

My uBPDh (from whom I am separated but still in a relationship) is seeming positively stable after a few days of dysregulation and silent treatment last week, which had followed a solid period of improvement in his behavior and our relationship.

Now he seems "normal" and happy - maybe I should just keep it to myself and enjoy it... .  as if acknowledging it to others will cause him to cycle again.  No, I am not superstitious but it does have a knack for working out that way.

This has been a stressful week at work. Major deadlines, bad weather, and whatnot. He has been emotionally available each day, offering encouragement and being positive. Sometimes when I need support or encouragement he runs.  This week he is so there and it would be so easy to get used to.  Doesn't sound like he's been drinking much either.

Sometimes it seems he has more than one personality.  When he is like this, I wonder if his issues (besides the drinking) are mainly in my head or maybe just made worse by me.  Of course, I've contributed and made things worse before I learned the tools - and I'm still learning to use them.

I don't know.  Surely I'm not the only one who lives with this kind of confusion.

Daze

[Pardon]

Same same.  I am very good at blocking or forgetting memories and when things are good, that is exactly what I do.  I wonder how in the world one can be on such opposite sides of a spectrum.  I just enjoy the happiness when its happy and only really think about it when things are going down the crapper.  It's not working out the best for me obviously (as I'm here).

[Broken Dreams]

I don't know.  Surely I'm not the only one who lives with this kind of confusion.

Absolutely not! I can relate to almost everything you said. It's what's kept me undecided for well over a year now. Every time I come close to taking the decision to leave, things get good - he's the most supportive, loving and fun person anyone could ever wish to be around. But when things are bad... .  he's the complete opposite to all of those things, and as Pardon already said, I also wonder how anyone can switch between such extremes like that. It's really mind boggling.

[daze]

Yes, there's a reason we're on the purgatory board of bpdfamily.com.   

My T says I had a pretty good run with denial as a coping mechanism.  It's kinda hard to deny or stuff something you already know to be true.  So, I think it's more a issue of wishful thinking.

[WalrusGumboot]

Sometimes it seems he has more than one personality.  When he is like this, I wonder if his issues (besides the drinking) are mainly in my head or maybe just made worse by me. 

It's not in your head. My xBPDw had six distinct, identifiable personalities. I had listed them at some point in one of my posts. It was like being married to six women at the same time, never knowing who I was going to wake up with! 

[almost789]

Wonderful Daze, I am happy for you! Enjoy it while it lasts... .  . You are the one who shared some information about BPD with him recently correct?

They do have different distinct different personalities or modes actually. Schema modes there are many of them but the basis is 5. I saw all of them in my pwBPD.

[daze]

Yes, I shared information with him. Articles from this site, a questionnaire, and we've been reading "The High Conflict Couple."   He has seen my other BPD books.  It's been a low key deal over the last two months. All while trying to keep a handle on my codependent tendencies. The part that surprises me is that he never denied it or said it was me. He did not get angry. 

I know the whole deal is not in my head but when he's like this I still go there.

The various personalities/schema concept is interesting.  Plan to look into it more.