Afraid for my daughter

[Being Mindful]

Hi,

Some may remember that a few weeks ago we were concerned that our daughter was in the yellow light where we sensed that things were not going well. It's that feeling of you can't put your finger on it, but you have the gut instinct that we get trained to recognize over time with our BPD kids. I'm afraid we are still there and perhaps in the red light.

Our fear is that her boyfriend is physically abusing her, minimally he has a big anger problem. This coming to our attention last week as I am on the phone with her and hearing him in the background. Prior to the phone call, he broke things in her apartment.

Yesterday, we did some consulting with DV programs and our therapist to share our concern and what we have been seeing the past few months, like he won't interact with us and seems to be trying to put a wedge between us and her. They agree that there are signs that we should be concerned about and fit a profile of how this can begin.

After yesterday, we now have a plan of what we will do if things escalate. So things are in place, but it doesn't calm my fear and worry. I am holding as strong as can be by praying.

Being Mindful

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

So sorry to hear this Being Mindful :'(

Did your t or the DV counselor advise you to share any information about your concerns or a safety plan with your d?

[Being Mindful]

Yes, does that sound right?

She engaged in a communication plan with us last Thursday when she refused to stay with us and insisted she was going to her apartment. Did the same thing with us on Sunday when things escalated, but is still refusing that anything is wrong or that she needs help.

[lbjnltx]

Did you give her any written info or phone numbers for DV such as we do here on the site?

Whether she reads it and/or acts on it will be up to her of course.  Take what solace you can from knowing you did everything you could do to help her and then pray.

What else is there?  

 

lbj

[Being Mindful]

Yes, that is exactly what we were advised of and when given that I felt better since I knew that is what is done here. The scary thing but it did not stop us from giving her the information is that she most likely will tell her bf and that could cause huge anger and put her at more risk. However, we can't control that and still find comfort in that she does have the numbers if she needs it. It is up to her. I am holding on to hope that if she needs help that she will remember our bond that we have with her which has dramatically improved in the last 15 months. So, hope and prayer is where we stand.

Being Mindful

[qcarolr]

Being Mindful,

This is so hard - have been there too with DD26 (starting when she was 17). Will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers for you D to keep herself safe and reach out for help when she needs to.

qcr  

[vivekananda]

Hi BM,

I wanted to know my prayers and thoughts are with you, I didn't get a chance to say this last time I was on the board... .  but I have been here   

viv   

[somuchlove]

Being Mindful,  I am sure thinking of you and your family.  I certainly can't give any advice but just wanted you to know that I think you understand and will handle this well.