Absolutly, I want to work on myself. I am getting better at listening and not in sheer panic when she calls. I know I have come a long way but when thoughts like, telling her how I feel, is not what I need to be thinking correct
Seems when I think I grasp it then I start second guessing , now is this something I can say. I am so afraid if I show how I might feel or try to valadate I might show my own emtion. They have learned to read it so well.
Unfortunatly you are correct. Your d doen't have the ability to empathize with you when she is emotionally dysregulated. What you can do is mirror back to her the feelings of frustration and fear she expresses to you. You can empathize with that I'm sure... . like saying "I would be scared too" or "I'm afraid for you all too". It has been my experience with my d that if I expressed my feelings she experienced that as being all about me and felt emotionally abandoned.
I am re reading a book I have and really feel as I have said before I am not falling apart with this last episode. That to me is good. I am not staying all night nor waking up early in the morning with stress. I feel stronger. I am slowly understanding some of this.
Is this the book "I Don't Have To Make Everything All Better"? The key component to being able to listen, validate and ask validating questions lies in the ability to focus entirely on the other person and their needs. It is a gift to them from you. We must get out of our own way to do this, we must be emotionally and mentally well enough to get out of our own way. There are skills for us to learn and practice to get well ourselves like mindfulness/wisemind/radical acceptance/boundaries.
Do you need to work on these to enable yourself to learn and put into practice the communication skills?
