I'm saying, She's Leaving (or is she)?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So we both sat at the kitchen table yesterday morning and she says its all over, done and dusted, nothing more to discuss; I remind her that all examples she notes for leaving have happened in only the last 4 days and doesn't explain what provoked her lack of engagement over the previous 7 days, I tried to reallyl just listen.

I was hit pretty hard and, unprompted she said she would move out Tue & Wed night due to back to back late & early work shifts.  To me it spelt the end, she had an almost serene quality, talking as if defeated.  She has not been unfaithful, although she's constantly messaging friends and seemingly investing/avoiding.  She was adamant that she wasn't at fault for actions like shouting at the kids as other parents do it (others murder but doesn't make it right).

I booked myself an appointment with the Doctors with the intention of trying to confront my apparent co-dependance issues and highlight that when she went for help she was not referred for counselling which is unfair on her. I then spoke to my parents and siblings, they were shocked but not actually surprised (my dad said he knew there was underlying problems) and he has advised me not to do anything in haste or hurry.  W seems to think that things can carry on to look after her needs, that I will look after kids around her shifts and on her terms - I will come back to marital home and stay over when the nightshifts are on her rota - I have told her everything will potentially change and we need a great deal more time to determine if the marital home is even affordable when we split as I don't have money to move out and don't want to either (even if I did, I would need a minimum 2bedroom place for kids etc). I did point out if she didn't love me any longer then I would accept that and move on - she said she does love me but cannot continue this cycle!

I spoke to her last night and said I didn't want to hear a response but I needed her to consider 1- that we are both at fault and I don't hear much coming from her side as to what she has done wrong and there's a possible marriage counselling where we can both work on things and 2- she has admitted to me she knows things aren't right in her mind and that isn't me using it against her but she has also spoken of her fears of being sectioned, getting rid of me will not make that any better, only she can make it better.

This morning I asked her at breakfast if she was staying away tonight, she said she didn't know.  I am trying to separate the illness and I can hand on heart see how much love there is between us when it's good, I just don't know if it's enough to get through everything as we will have given up a lot only to realise we shouldn't have thrown it away.  When I take a marrigage vow in sickness and in health, does this sickness count? 

I can work on myself at least. 

[Whichwayisup]

So we both sat at the kitchen table yesterday morning and she says its all over, done and dusted, nothing more to discuss; I remind her that all examples she notes for leaving have happened in only the last 4 days and doesn't explain what provoked her lack of engagement over the previous 7 days, I tried to reallyl just listen.

I was hit pretty hard and, unprompted she said she would move out Tue & Wed night due to back to back late & early work shifts.  To me it spelt the end, she had an almost serene quality, talking as if defeated.  She has not been unfaithful, although she's constantly messaging friends and seemingly investing/avoiding.  She was adamant that she wasn't at fault for actions like shouting at the kids as other parents do it (others murder but doesn't make it right).

I booked myself an appointment with the Doctors with the intention of trying to confront my apparent co-dependance issues and highlight that when she went for help she was not referred for counselling which is unfair on her. I then spoke to my parents and siblings, they were shocked but not actually surprised (my dad said he knew there was underlying problems) and he has advised me not to do anything in haste or hurry.  W seems to think that things can carry on to look after her needs, that I will look after kids around her shifts and on her terms - I will come back to marital home and stay over when the nightshifts are on her rota - I have told her everything will potentially change and we need a great deal more time to determine if the marital home is even affordable when we split as I don't have money to move out and don't want to either (even if I did, I would need a minimum 2bedroom place for kids etc). I did point out if she didn't love me any longer then I would accept that and move on - she said she does love me but cannot continue this cycle!

I spoke to her last night and said I didn't want to hear a response but I needed her to consider 1- that we are both at fault and I don't hear much coming from her side as to what she has done wrong and there's a possible marriage counselling where we can both work on things and 2- she has admitted to me she knows things aren't right in her mind and that isn't me using it against her but she has also spoken of her fears of being sectioned, getting rid of me will not make that any better, only she can make it better.

This morning I asked her at breakfast if she was staying away tonight, she said she didn't know.  I am trying to separate the illness and I can hand on heart see how much love there is between us when it's good, I just don't know if it's enough to get through everything as we will have given up a lot only to realise we shouldn't have thrown it away.  When I take a marrigage vow in sickness and in health, does this sickness count? 

I can work on myself at least.